H2OVanoss: A Case of Drabbles
by WatchAndLearnKid
Summary: This is not a story but a place where I will be posting any short stories or drabbles or prompts I write. Instead of posting super small ones separately, I'll leave them all here. :)
1. Teddy

"Dude, there's nothing wrong with liking teddy bears. I don't know one person that doesn't like a good old fashioned teddy bear. Seriously."

"Yeah, I just need something soft to hold onto to get to sleep most of the time." Jonathan said quietly, still too shy about the subject.

"Everybody has something they hold onto for comfort. It's nothing to be ashamed of." Evan grinned. "I have to put the same song on repeat each night to fall asleep."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's just soft music." Evan chuckled. "Kinda like a grown up …"

He struggled for the word until Delirious said, "A lullaby?"

"Exactly." Evan scratched at his hair. "I've never told anyone that. I have a teddy bear, too. Never told anyone that either. But, honestly, don't be ashamed of things that keep you comfortable. It's something that makes you … you … so don't hide it."

Delirious was a smiling mess on the other side of the monitor, but Evan couldn't see it. "Thank you."

He felt better about it, and Evan started incorporating bears into his videos and Jonathan felt okay with himself. He wasn't ashamed. But he got a package in the mail one day and opened the box to find a worn out teddy with a red ribbon tied around it's neck. It was from Evan.

It was his bear.

So a week later Evan opened his door to a brown box on his front porch and he opened it, finding a faded bear plushie with a sky blue ribbon tied around the wrist. A smile lit his face and he took it to bed with him that night. He held it close and breathed in deep and it made him warm all the way down to his toes.

He sent Jonathan a text. "You smell really good."

"So do you. You smell amazing. Jesus Christ." Delirious replied and Evan didn't need the music to fall asleep anymore. He had something new.


	2. To Feign

"He's fine. It's been, what? Two days?" Tyler said and shrugged.

"Almost three now. He won't respond to my texts or anyone's tweets." Evan huffed over the computer.

"He's sick, Evan. He's probably sleeping it off."

"Yeah, well, I'm going to go check on him since no one else around here fucking worries about him apparently." Evan shut his laptop with an attitude and packed a bag. He had time and no obligations for the weekend and he had plenty of money to spare.

Evan did have the right mind to call Luke before he booked a flight, just to make sure he wasn't about to breach Delirious' privacy for no reason.

"Hey, Luke. Have you heard from Delirious lately?"

"No, I'm working out of town right now. He told me he was sick, but he didn't seem that bad when I saw him the other day." Luke said, something loud whirring in the background.

"Can you call him real quick and tell me if he picks up?"

"Yeah, sure."

Evan waited for a few minutes and his decision to go was final when Luke text back a short, "No answer."

It was night out by the time Evan got there. Two flights had his neck hurting, but he was in a local grocery store buying Gatorade and soup ingredients anyway before he went to Jonathan's house.

He didn't know what to expect. He didn't know if he was going to find a three hundred pound goofball immobile on the floor or a fifty pound skeleton sucking in his last breath. But what he found was neither.

Evan found a back door unlocked when no one would answer the front door. He stepped in to the dark quiet house and called out. A groan met his ears and he followed it to the living room where a lump of blankets sat in a mess on the couch.

"Delirious?"

"Murderer! Get outta my house!" Jonathan tried to yell but it came out hoarse and pathetic and Evan's heartbeat shot through the roof.

"How long have you been laying here?!" He felt for a lamp and shed some light on the room.

"Who are you?! Don't touch me -cough- I'm innocent!" Delirious tried to move but he was exerting all of his energy just by talking.

"You're so weak, why didn't you tell someone you were this sick Delirious?" Evan knelt on the floor beside him and pulled the covers back, his nerves twisting and then relaxing once he saw the face attached to the voice.

Jonathan's face was pale and gaunt, but probably from being so sick. His hair a dark mess atop his head and his lips were ghostly white. He coughed and pried his eyes open and the blue if his eyes made Evan's world stop. They stood out against the paleness of his skin and they looked like they had absorbed the summer sky.

"Evan?" He said, his voice breaking from being so weak. "There was . . . no one to tell."

"Jesus, Delirious." Evan ran his warm calloused hand over his face. He was practically burning alive. "I didn't want to meet you like this."

"Me either. I'd be fighting you right now, but if I move I'll probably die." Delirious tried to joke but his teeth started to chatter and he squeezed the blanket around him tighter.

"It doesn't matter now. You're beautiful even if you look like a skeleton right now. I'm going to make you some soup and then you're going to take a shitload of medicine and I'm not leaving until you get better." Evan fetched his groceries from the rental and took up residence in Jonathan's house. He cooked fast and had to prop Delirious up on the couch and feed him himself.  
He was worse than he had expected and the fever he was giving off was worrying him. But once he was fed, he gave him medicine and once that finally staryedr to kick in he got him off the couch and carried him into his bedroom, taking his loose clothes off and pulling the covers up over him.

Jonathan tried to say something but Evan shushed him. "Don't talk, let your throat heal. I'll be here when you wake up."

Then he was out like a rock, sleeping peaceful for once and when he woke again, Evan was there just like he said he would be to give him liquid and more medicine. He laid a hand on his forehead again.

"You're fever is going down. That's good." He said to himself and stopped when Delirious put a hand on his arm.

"Thank you . . . for doing this. I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone. I got on the couch and I couldn't find the strength to get back up, my phone was too far away." He said in a whisper as not to overuse his voice.

"Don't be sorry. I'm just glad I convinced myself to come down here and break your rule of privacy just to check in you." Evan grinned down at him and Jonathan tried not to laugh or he'd go into a coughing fit.

He smiled instead, "I'm glad, too. You're way hotter in person."

Evan laughed at that, "You're seriously the prettiest guy I've ever seen." He brushed the hair away from Jonathan's face and locked eyes with his blue ones, getting caught in the mesmerizing color again.

Jonathan closed his eyes and hummed as Evan ran his fingers through his hair until he fell asleep again. He slept on and off for three days, waking up to Evan each time.  
Evan helped him walk around on the fourth day, until he got his strength back and could move his legs on his own again. Then his cough died down and his head stopped hurting. He felt loads better. He was still a little weak, but Evan kept food in him and medicine coarsing through his body until the color looked right on his skin again.

If Jonathan was honest, he didn't want Evan to leave and when the man fell into a coughing fit while cooking lunch one day, Jonathan laughed. The look on Evan's face was one of disbelief and pure horror. "Oh god, no."

"I am so sorry." Jonathan laughed again and walked over to him, placing a cool hand on his warm forehead and smiling sweetly. "Why don't you stay a while longer? Until you get better. I know you don't have anyone in L.A. to take care of you."

Evan caught his eyes and couldn't help but smile and let a laugh escape. "Yeah, I think I'll stay. If that's okay with you."

"It's fine by me."

Luke snuck through the back door and saw a lump of blankets on the couch with Jonathan holding a finger up to his mouth. So he tiptoed inside and shut the door.

"Is that Evan?" He whispered, still in disbelief that the Asian had flown to North Carolina just because Jonathan wouldn't answer his phone.

Delirious nodded and gave him a grin. "I got him sick."

"On purpose or accident?" Luke whispered and shook his head when Jonathan chewed at his lip and shrugged. "You dirty bastard."

"What? He wouldn't have come here otherwise. I was legit on my death bed, dude." Jonathan said and looked down at the dark head resting on his chest, sleeping, doped up on medicine as his body fought off the sickness. "I like him here. He said I was pretty."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Why don't you just ask him over next time instead of playing dead to convince him to come. I could have told you that he would come over for no reason, all you had to do was say the word. You dumbass."

"What?"

Luke rubbed his eyes, "I don't care if he says he's straight. He's got the hots for you or you can shoot me."

It was Jonathan's turn to roll his eyes. "Then prepare to die, because there ain't now way-"

"Its true." Evan mumbled. "I was kind of hoping I'd get sick so I could stay a little longer."

Jonathan broke into a smile. "You are so stupid. You can stay as long as you want."

Evan lifted his head a bit, "I feel much better by the way, but if I need to keep pretending to be sick so I can cuddle you then . . ."

"No, but you can buy me dinner first."

"Hm. Deal." Evan smirked and got comfortable again in Jonathan's Adventure Time pajamas.

"I'll leave you two idiots alone then." Luke stood and gave him a salute.

Two days and many first time revelations later Evan caught Jonathan around the waist and said, "How do you feel about California?"

"If I don't have to get sick again for you to take me, I'm down."


	3. Gifted

"Can I see you?" Evan asked for the millionth time since he'd started playing with the guy. "Please?"

"Not now." Delirious grinned as they played alone together.

"Then when?" Evan huffed.

"I don't know, Evan." He shrugged to himself. "Why are you being so pushy all of a sudden?"

Evan sighed. "You've just been saying how bad you want to meet everyone for forever now. But you won't come to cons and you won't turn your camera on. Luke gets to see you all the time, why can't I?"

Delirious sat back in his chair. "Seriously, Evan? Luke gets to see me because he's known me since I was twelve years old. You know that. Dumbass. My mom gets to see me, does that make you jealous, too?"

"I'm not jealous."

"Yeah the hell you are."

They both put down their controllers.

"No." Evan said stiffly. "I just think that we've been friends long enough now that I at least deserve to see your face."

"So if I have a huge insecurity about my looks and it's the reason I've always hid, you would still think you deserve to see me even though you know it would make me extremely uncomfortable? All because you've known me for a long time?"

Evan sat there stunned until he found words, "I….no, that's not what I want. God, I'm such an asshole. I didn't mean it that way. Don't show anyone your face unless you want to. I'm sorry, Delirious. I'm just always on the edge of my seat when it comes to you. We're so close now and really good friends. I even have dreams about you and you have a different face each time. It's just kind of….it's like waiting for Christmas, but Christmas hasn't come for three years. I'm sorry for pushing you, Delirious. Forget I said any of that, man."

Delirious was quiet for a moment, taking in Evan's apology. "It's fine, Evan. I know I frustrate the shit out of you all the time. Not showing you my face is the cherry on top, probably."

"It is, but I won't bother you about it anymore. I didn't mean to make you mad. It's your face and your privacy and I had no right." Evan said and Delirious could hear the regret in his voice. It was cute and he was smiling despite the argument they'd just had.

"Evan. It's okay. Let's get back to the game. My character is getting stalked by a honey badger again." He giggled and stood back as Evan fought it off for him.

Months passed and Evan never brought it up again. He went to cons and never asked Delirious if he was going. As much as he wanted to, he didn't pry.

Jonathan got less and less active the closer the 25th of December got and that's when Evan noticed the attachment he had with the guy. It was almost unbearable. So he began texting him every other day and it only made him want to see his face even more.

"What's up, loser?" Evan text him Christmas night, when his family had left and the festivities had died down. He ran his hands through his hair and fell to his couch.

"Nothing much. Just freezing my ass off." Delirious replied.

"Why? What are you doing?" Evan typed.

Delirious sent back, "Standing on my friend's front porch waiting on him to answer the door."

Evan read the text again and his head snapped up when there was a knock on his door. His heart hit his throat and he almost tripped over himself getting to the door. When he opened it, there was a guy with a face he didn't recognize. But he wore a smile that told him all he needed to know.

"Please let me in. I didn't fly all this way to die from frost bite at your front door." Jonathan said and Evan laughed, pulling him inside out of the snow. He helped him out of the three layers of jackets and made him stand by the fire to warm up.

Evan couldn't stop staring and his heart wouldn't stop hammering. Jonathan looked up at him and Evan was stunned, watching the flames flicker in his crystal blue eyes.

"I forgot to grab your gift when I left my house. So you probably won't get it until January." Delirious laughed and rubbed his hands together.

Evan continued to stare, a permanent grin set on his face. "I don't need anything. This is enough."

Delirious slowly smiled and Evan had never been so flustered over someone's face before. He reached out and touched his cheek with the tips of his fingers then pulled him into a hug that was years overdue. "I'm so fucking glad you're here. Jesus."

Delirious hummed against his shoulder, amused at how emotional the guy was getting. "Merry Christmas, Evan."

He squeezed him tighter and the rest of the night was filled with laughter, spiked apple cider, and a smile that Evan would never forget.


	4. Happy & Delirious

To say that Jonathan was screwed, was an understatement.

Ever since the day he moved to California, he'd been screwed. It was something he didn't think would wear him down, but having to watch Evan fall to pieces was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. And talking him out of leaving _her_ was something he couldn't do. At times Evan was happy, but as soon as she walked in the room she wore him down.

All Jonathan could do was watch as the pretty smile that always lit up the room faded away. The shine in his eyes seemed to dull and he took her ridicule and judgement and harsh words like he though he actually deserved it.

"Why do you do it?" Delirious asked him one quiet night as they listened to his favorite album while they watched a meteor shower from the hood of his car. The ocean air ghosted past them and he heard him sigh.

"I don't know. Sometimes it's not so bad. She's fun and beautiful and I'm living with her. I wouldn't have anywhere to go. Except back to Canada." Evan put his arm behind his head.

"You know that's not true. You can always come to my place, you know I don't mind when you stay over."

"I know, but you know I don't like feeling like a burden."

"Evan . . ." Jonathan shook his head.

He knew it was pointless, no matter how logically sound he was or how convinced Evan seemed to be at the end of the day. He never left her and Jonathan sat back and watched for days, weeks, months. He watched as his best friend sunk even lower to the point where he stopped playing regularly. What she had said to him to make him crumble in on himself and still take it was beyond Jonathan.

Her name was Amy and she was one of the most well known female Youtube gamers. He knew that was why Evan went after her in the first place, but it didn't matter how cool and sweet and pretty she was on the camera. Behind the scenes she was a control freak and she tore apart anything she could get her hands on. That included one of the most well known male gamers. She sunk her claws into Evan and ripped him to shreds and it wasn't until he was sitting alone in her apartment, staring at a blank television screen that he actually felt like he needed to get away for a while. So he grabbed his jacket and mindlessly drove until he found himself in front of a familiar door on a porch he'd spent many nights laughing and staring at the stars.

Delirious opened the door when Evan knocked and pulled him in and made him laugh when he knew he wanted to cry. That became routine and Evan started opening up again the more he got away from her. Yet still, he always went back and he felt a little stuck between being happy and having a place and a steady girlfriend. He really just didn't want to be alone and he enjoyed her company up until the moment she started judging him for what he played, how he played, and who he played with.

And he didn't know why he cared so much. Maybe it was that underlying of fear of being laughed it for the things he loved. His games and his friends. Every time she rolled her eyes, he lost a bit of himself and he tried to change. But what was it for? She was never satisfied.

* * *

"Dude. I can see it. We all can." Tyler said to him one night when he stopped by Amy's to see him. "Evan, look me dead in the eye and tell me what you've always wanted in a person."

Evan rubbed his exhausted eyes and shrugged. "I want to have fun with them and laugh and game. I want them to know what makes me tick, what makes me who I am. I want them to know my favorite song and color and what my biggest fear is. I want them to know that the most amazing thing to me is the way everything feels cold right before the sun rises even though it's the middle of summer. I want to be happy and myself when I'm around them. I don't want to hide."

Tyler nodded in thought. "Alright now tell me this. Does _she_ know any of that? Does _she_ make you feel what you want to feel?"

Evan sighed and swallowed down the sickness crawling up his throat. He shook his head, "I . . . no. She doesn't"

"Okay then. Who does?" Tyler lowered his tone until it was soft. "Who knows you inside and out and can tell you how many freckles you have on your shoulders? Who knows what you're most afraid of and your favorite songs? Who sits up with you sometimes just to watch that cold sunrise? Who can you be yourself with and feel free with? Who makes you happy? Who do run to when you want to hide?"

Evan ran over those questions in his head and he repeated them. The answer was the same for every one and he felt stupid for subjecting himself to all this torture just because he thought he wouldn't find anyone else. But that someone else had been there all along, watching and waiting in the background, holding him up when things weighed him down. Evan had been blind and he was picking up his phone and pressing dial as Tyler smiled and let himself out of the apartment with a wave.

"Sup, dude?"

Evan smiled, feeling the color in his bleak work growing brighter already. "Hey."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Evan stared down at the busy city below and let his hand rest against the glass. "Can you come get me, please?"

"I'm on my way."

"Jonathan?" Evan caught him before he hung up.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I'm sorry that it took me so long to leave her."

* * *

Jonathan was a light that Evan clung to and he couldn't keep his eyes off of him as he helped him pack all of his things and load it up in the car. He debated leaving her a note before he left, but Delirious grabbed his hand when he reached for a pen.

"She doesn't deserve one." He said quietly and me this eyes. "She never deserved _you_."

Evan couldn't thank him or apologize enough when they got back to his house on the outskirts of the city. And as Evan continued to fumble for words, choking on his emotions, tears welling up, Jonathan pulled him into his arms and hugged him for all he was worth. Holding him until he felt like he wouldn't break if he let go. When Evan cried, Jonathan wiped at his tears and made him laugh until his lungs hurt. He made him smile and he helped him unpack and settle into his new home. Under the roof he could always be himself. The place where he belonged.

They played until the sky brightened outside and Jonathan was pulling him up onto the roof like they used to do. They let their legs dangle beneath them as the sky lightened and Jonathan watched the way Evan got lost in the color and the way it made everything seem cold and crisp and new. He watched him turn and meet his stare head on and it wasn't what he was expecting. He didn't expect to see him look so at peace.

Jonathan didn't expect him to lean in a little closer or tilt his head. He wasn't anticipating the fire the moment their lips met as the sun breached the horizon. He finally felt happy, knowing that Evan was sitting next to him, tucked beneath his arm like he always should've been as they watched the sun climb higher, the light warming their skin.

Evan finally felt his world coming together as they laid next to each other in the comfort of Jonathan's sheets and countless number of pillows. He knew he'd found his person. The one that would rather die than hurt a hair on his head. The one that knew his biggest fears and his favorite songs. The one that loved him so much that he tried to press the feeling into his skin with the soft of his lips.

The one that made him happy.

 _Happy and delirious._


	5. The Bus

**This was a prompt request from the sweet evanfong-tastic on Tumblr who said: "A prompt for the Queen of H2OVanoss- [Evan takes the bus (although everyone is silently on their electronics). He hears a man constantly giggling (Delirious). Eventually they talk and he finds out Jon was laughing at Vanoss' videos the whole time] :3"**

* * *

Evan was your average guy. The kind of guy that had a routine of riding the bus to the gym because traffic was too much to deal with and he probably would have totalled his car by now. He was also quiet and liked to keep to himself.

That day was just another day, normal and nothing significant until he got on the bus to go home and the entire ride he kept pausing his music to figure who the hell was laughing.

It didn't bother him, it was just a laugh that was so bubbly and different and it stuck in his head even after the guy in the blue hoodie got off at a cafe that he himself visited every now and then.

Maybe that guy had always rode the bus like he did. Maybe he just didn't notice before, not until he heard his laughter and uncontrolled giggling. After that, anywhere he went and his eyes caught sight of anything remotely blue, his heart would jump. He didn't know why.

His gym routine was something he started to enjoy even more just because he knew that guy was probably going to be on the bus again. He always was. It never failed.

Then there was the day that he left the gym, got on the bus, and there wasn't a seat left. Only one and it was right beside the guy in blue who glanced up and immediately moved his pack that was beside him and made room.

Evan took a seat beside him with a skipping heart and grinned, "Thanks, man."

The guy smiled, "No problem."

Evan was stuck in a daze from that wide white smile that was burning itself into his brain and he couldn't get anything else to leave his mouth before the guy put his headphones back in and went back to watching a video on his phone.

He fell into a fit of giggles, the ones that drove Evan mad and he glanced over at the screen only to find one of his own gaming videos playing on the man's phone.

Evan wanted to speak up, but his tongue was caught when they reached the next stop and the guy got up and left. He was left sitting there dumbfounded, feeling like an idiot with a crush on someone he didn't even know.

A few weeks passed and their routine went back to normal and there were always ample amounts of seats, much to Evan's disappointment. Until the day there wasn't and he made sure the only one available was beside him. But the guy didn't get on the bus that day and Evan found himself going home feeling lonelier than he ought to have.

The next bus ride was quiet as he went to the gym, it was all he ever did other than game. He didn't have friends, no one to be with, so the gym was the only thing that kept his mind off of things. But lately even the gym had his mind racing, filled with the color of that guy's jacket and his smile and that fucking obnoxiously adorable laugh.

He was sulking against the window when he felt someone standing next to him. His eyes moved up the long body and the blue jacket, and to the face he'd never really seen before. The guy's hood was down and he was looking at him with raised brows and a stupidly cute grin.

"Mind if I sit here?"

Evan sat up straighter and shook himself from his selfish misery and felt brighter instantly. "No, go ahead."

The guy sat beside him and pulled out his phone and Evan spoke this time before he put his head phones on, "I'm Evan, by the way."

He stuck his hand out at him and the man smiled back at him as he shook it. Evan felt it in his knees. "I'm Jonathan."

Evan searched desperately for conversation, "So . . . you're early today." Then he cursed himself, "Sorry that sounds really creepy that I know your schedule."

Jonathan giggled, "No, it's fine dude. This is actually the first time I've seen you not sweaty from post-workout. It's nice."

Evan laughed and tried not to let his nerves show so he curled his toes in his shoes to keep from rubbing at his neck or twisting his fingers in his hand.

"And I'm early today because I'm going to to Game Stop before I head to the cafe."

Evan grabbed the opportunity, "You game?"

"I do. A lot actually. That's kind of what I do. I have a YouTube channel."

Evan chewed at his lip, "So do I."

Jonathan perked up even more, "Really? What's your name or your Gamertag? We should play sometime, you seem pretty chill."

Evan grinned, "It's VanossGaming."

The comprehension spread across his attractive face and Evan slowly smiled, "I'm not lying."

"Wow. I've been riding the bus for two months with Vanoss. Just . . . wow." Jonathan rubbed his face and then stared at him for a minute, grinning like an idiot before the bus neared Evan's stop, "Okay, I've been trying to work up the courage to talk to you for days now. I even made myself so nervous yesterday that I didn't leave home. So how do you feel about skipping gym today and getting games and coffee with me maybe?"

Evan rubbed his lips together in fake thought before he smiled, "Yeah. I'd like that."

That was the first time Evab broke his daily routine and made a new friend in the process. A friend that he kept close, gamed with, laughed with. A friend that quickly turned into a best friend, whom he grew to love. It was a love that grew so strong that one day Evan made him his boyfriend.


	6. Gang AU: Date?

**This was a response to an anon on Tumblr: "I was wondering if you could do a Gang AU one shot for H2OVanoss where Jonathan wants to go on a date but when he brings it up to Evan, he hesitates and says that they have been on dates. But Jon clears up that the "dates" they've been on always consisted of the guys being there they technically aren't dates... Please?"**

* * *

Jonathan was watching blood spiral down the drain as he showered and he heard Evan tapping his razor against the sink as he shaved.

"Hey." He said and Evan stepped in behind him. "Can we maybe . . . go on a date? We never really have."

Evan cleared his throat, "Sure we have."

Jonathan rolled his eyes, "Name one time we had a real date where it was just us, none of the guys around, and it didn't end in a firefight and us running for our lives."

Evan broke into a smile and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close. He placed a kiss on his shoulder. "But those are the best ones. Explosions, running off into the sunset hand in hand."

Jonathan pried himself from his arms. "My ideal date doesn't consist of running away with bullets whizzing past my head. I just want a night where it's you and me doing things a normal couple does. Is that so much to ask?"

Evan tried to catch him before he got out of the shower, but he was gone. Didn't even stop towel off, just shut the bathroom door with a tiny attitude and went to sulk in the bedroom.

He didn't hardly speak for the rest of the day, giving Evan minimal amounts of attention which was driving him mad. But Evan took it. He understood his frustration because it was true that in all the time they'd been together, they'd never had a proper date. Just nights out on the town that ended in turf wars and a blaze of glory, then celebratory shots of vodka.

When Evan thought about it, he felt terrible for not thinking about how it might have an impact on Jonathan. He knew he loved the small sentimental things, the soft kisses, and cuddling on the couch. So when he caught his eye while everyone was moving around the kitchen, he knew what he needed to do.

"Hey, Marcel will you do me a favor?" Evan pulled the man to the side a while later.

"Anything, man."

"Can you get everyone out of the house tonight? Go out, maybe stay down at the docks with Adam and the boys?" Evan asked with hope in his eyes.

"Yeah, no problem. You finally gonna treat Delirious to a night in?" Marcel pried and crossed his arms. Of course Marcle knew what had been going on between them, he always did. He was more perceptive than any of them and did a lot of the brainstorming in the group.

"Yes, I am. It's long overdue and I'm an asshole for that, I know." Evan shuffled his feet and looked away.  
Marcel gave him a reassuring squeeze on the arm. "It's alright man, I'll get em out of the house, don't worry. And I'll scrounge up all the candles I can find." He gave Evan a wink and disappeared.

Jonathan had taken a trip to the store alone to get Tyler more medical supplies since they had used up a good bit on their last heist a few weeks ago. He drove with the windows rolled down, the California air whipping around him. He felt good, but he always knew he'd feel even better if Evan was sitting next to him, enjoying the calm and rare silence of the busy city.

And maybe he was selfish for wanting some time alone with him because Evan sacrificed his time on a daily basis to keep their city in a state of peace. He'd worked hard for that, they all had and if Evan didn't want to spend a night with him, who was he to judge?

He carried all the supplies inside only to find the house empty and the only light to be seen was the warm light of candles that were scattered around the house.

He cautiously placed the bags on the kitchen counter and pulled off his jacket and nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt fingers settling on his waist.  
"Jesus fucking Christ!"

Evan pressed his face against the back of his neck as he laughed. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"What is all this?"

Evan kissed him beneath his ear and felt him shiver, "A date. So let's eat. I made your favorite."

"You made me meatless spaghetti and a fuck ton of breadsticks?"

Evan led him into the dining area and pulled out his chair for him, "A fuck ton. You'll have leftovers for days, my Prince."

Jonathan just smiled and watched Evan pop the cap off an ice cold bottle of coke. They ate until they were too full to continue then they stripped and skinny dipped in the pool, candles lining the sides around them. Marcel had taken the liberty of making some of them float in the pool.

Jonathan thought it was sweet and Evan couldn't keep his hands off of him. It was nice to have the house to themselves, to have the peace and quiet, the time. Evan gave in and pulled his slippery body to his, making their mouths meet, their tongues played mindlessly for minutes.  
Until Evan pulled back and caught the evening sun in his lover's eyes. "I love you."

Jonathan wrapped his legs around him beneath the water and took his face in his wet hands, "I love you, too. You didn't have to do all of this."

Evan shook his head, "No, I did. I need to show you that I do want time alone with you and not just the time we share in bed. Because it's not enough. I want to give you the world Jonathan and you have all of me. Always and I'll try to make more time for us. I swear."

Jonathan kissed his lips gently, "This was more than enough, you fucking precious human being. Thank you."

Evan smiled and kissed at his skin until they were both too warm and bit too aroused. So Jonathan pulled him to the bedroom and down onto the mattress where Evan showed him just how much he loved the man beneath him.

After that night, Evan made a point to draw big red hearts on the days that they planned dates because he loved to see the smile that spread over Jonathan's face each time he walked by and saw the calendar on fridge.


	7. Pub Games

**In response to this anon: "Prompt vanoss goes to a show and John just so happens to sing that night turns out he sings amazingly vanoss knows its him cause of his laugh at the end of the song"**

* * *

"Hey, Evan!"

"What?" Evan watched the tall Irishman run up to him before he got in his cab.

"There's a small show about to start down at the pub near the boardwalk. I've heard the live music is great and there's a new guy that's going to be playing. People are saying he's got an amazing voice. So I want to witness it myself, you wanna go with me?" Nogla grinned down at him and Evan's interest was peaked.

"Yeah, sure. Let's go."

So they got in the cab and Evan could hear the music from the outside before they even got out of the car. The pub was crammed packed and he made his way to the bar to get him and Nogla a few beers. They found a small hightop table near the small stage and enjoyed the music for the next hour until they said their thank yous and appreciations. The band gave a bow and exited and were soon replaced with a guy that caught everyone's attention.

Evan finished off his fourth beer and eyed the tall blue eyed guy as he took a seat on a stool and pulled up his acoustic guitar, clearing his throat.

"Good evening Los Angeles, how are you?" The guy asked in a smooth steel voice and Evan let it wash over him as the crowd cheered in response. "Alright I'm gonna play you a tune by a band that's been growing on me; X Ambassadors. The song is called, Unsteady. Don't laugh at me, please."

He gave a charming smile and Evan was drawn in before he even played the first note. The crowd got quiet as the music rolled through the room and the women whistled when he sang the first line.

His smile faltered though when he glanced through the crowd and caught Evan's eye. Then he stared and Evan waited for the uneasiness to settle in but it never did. Maybe the alcohol was keeping him from feeling nervous, he didn't know. All he knew was that man was someone he wouldn't be able to get off his mind for a while.

When the song finished the crowd showed their love and the guy stood and took a bow, "Don't be afraid to throw your panties my way." He caught Evan's eye again, "I also accept boxer briefs."

Evan felt the sweat beading on his neck when his blue eyes winked and his lungs let out a giggle that was so distinct and clear and familiar.

Nogla chuckled, "Dude, that guy laughs just like -"

"Delirious." Evan said and felt a smile stretching his face as he slid out of his chair and pushed his way through the crowd.


	8. The Weight on My Shoulder

Sorry if this one confuses anyone. This was a request from a friend. It's a magic au, in which they live in a dorm together and Jonathan accidentally turn Evan into an owl.

* * *

Evan was tired. Class was rough and he trudged up the stairs to his dorm.

"Ugh." He groaned. His dorm, where his roommate was probably mixing up some new experiment in potion bottles that more than likely had the place smelling like griffin feet. He opened the door to a flash of blinding light and he felt all of his things fall to the floor around him as he shielded his eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing, Jonathan?!" He yelled and slowly peeked around his fingers, but they weren't fingers. There was a wing in front of his face and he jumped with a scream.

"Ahh!" He flailed at whatever it was only to find that the room looked remarkably bigger and Jonathan was looking down at him with wide eyes.

"Don't. Move." He said before he bit down on his finger, trying not to laugh.

Evan looked down and saw clawed feet and brown feathers and he knew. He felt the rage swell and he stood on his small frame. Instead of curling his fists he felt his feathers ruffle and he marched Jonathan's way.

"What the hell did you do to me?!" He screeched. "I'm a fucking bird, you dunce!"

Jonathan couldn't hold back his laugh any longer and put his hands on his knees while he wheezed. He caught his breath for a moment before he looked back up at his bird friend, only to burst into another fit of laughter. He finally gave up and fell to the floor.

"I'm so sorry, man. But you're cute as hell. Look at you." Jonathan giggled and Evan snapped his beak at him which made Jonathan laugh again. "Oh god, that's adorable."

Evan stormed up to him and started pecking at him angrily, "Change me back! I don't have time for this! We have exams soon, we have to study! I can't study if I'm a bird!"

Jonathan held up a finger, "Not just any bird. You, sir, are an owl. A beautiful, majestic, owl. And just so you know, I don't know how to turn you back. I don't know how I did it in the first place. I was just trying to fix your coffee mug that I broke before you got here so you wouldn't kill me."

Evan was so furious he didn't know what to do. He just hung his head and took deep breaths, his tiny heart was pounding and he felt some sort of fear starting to creep in. "Can't you just take me to one of the professors and ask them to help?"

He also saw a small fear in Jonathan's eyes when he said that. "No, I can't. This would be my fifth strike with using experimental magic outside the classroom. They'd kick me out for good this time. I can't go back home, Evan. I don't have one."

Evan sighed and closed his eyes.

Jonathan felt the guilt creeping in. "I'm sorry. I'm so clumsy, I didn't mean to break your coffee mug and I know it's your favorite one and I just wanted to fix it because you're like my only friend here. I didn't want you to hate me, so I tried and I think I mixed one of the words up and … "

Evan looked up at his eyes that were watering and he almost panicked, so he pecked gently at his fingers. "Hey, It's okay. I can help fix it when we get me changed back, okay?"

Jonathan nodded and grinned. "Okay."

* * *

Evan couldn't really do anything. He couldn't google his problem, he couldn't eat pizza, couldn't take a hot shower to think things over. So instead he sat on Jonathan's shoulder for three days as they scoured the library for answers, pecking at his head when he said something stupid.

"I know you're the only one that can hear me, but try not to make it look so obvious. You look like a crazy person talking to yourself." Evan advised as they sat in a corner to themselves. No one paid much attention to them because owls were a common thing around school, but when you just sat around talking with one that was screeching back at you, it looked odd.

And as hard as it was for Evan to admit, he didn't want Jonathan to be kicked out either. He really liked the guy. He was kind and thoughtful, just like the time he bought him that mug because it had his favorite colors. He was his friend.

So he stuck with him, perched either on his shoulder or his desk throughout the school day. Helping him where he could by pointing things out on the books with his small claws.

Jonathan would grin and pet his soft feathers and Evan would try to run away, but he never could get too far. Then he'd scratch him on the head and Evan was a sucker for it and always gave in. Then when he got tired he'd crawl into his blue jacket pocket on the front of his hoodie and sleep in the dark warm hole.

Jonathan was attached to him like he'd always been but now that Evan was forced to stay by him, on his shoulder, he was attached to him even more. Evan was the best friend he ever had. He was kind to him even though he'd turned him into an owl. He was going to miss him when it was over.

He was going to miss that small weight on his shoulders and soft pecks on the side of his face.

* * *

It was three days until exams started and Evan was stress eating crackers on Jonathan's shoulder while they looked over notes. Until he leafed through his notebook and a paper flew out onto the floor.

"I'll get it." Evan said and flew down before Jonathan could stop him. He stopped when he read the words scrawled across the paper, then he glared back up at him.

"Evan …"

"Don't 'Evan' me! You've had the answer this whole time!" He yelled and yanked helplessly at the jeans on Jonathan's leg out of anger. "Change me back so I can kick your ass!"

Jonathan sighed and picked up the paper, Evan nipping at his fingers the whole time, leaving small cuts that would bleed. Jonathan said the words, waved his wand around him and watched Evan stumble over the coffee table when he was on his two human feet again. He was in the clothes he had been wearing that same day he was changed and his mug was till lying on the bar broken.

He fumed and turned to Jonathan who was standing there, almost in tears. "I only found it two days ago. I thought maybe I could keep you just a bit longer. It's nice being close to you. No one's ever been kind to me like you are. No one wants to take the time to get to know me. But you did and … I'm sorry."

He walked into his room and closed the door and Evan felt like an asshole when he looked back at the broken mug. His favorite that his best friend, Jonathan, had got him out of the kindness of his heart. He sighed and lost all of his anger and ended up walking into Jonathan's room and took him by the hand, leading him to the bathroom where he cleaned the small cuts on his hand.

"I'm sorry." Then he hugged him tight. "You're my best friend and I've always been scared to get close to you because I'm a terrible person. I criticize, I yell, and I fight. I don't want to hurt you even though I already have."

He pulled away and rubbed ointment on the cuts and glanced at him. Jonathan was smiling.

"That's part of being friends, you dork. If you didn't criticize, I wouldn't improve. If you didn't yell, I wouldn't know I would biting all my nails off. If we didn't fight, we'd just be fragile. So thank you."

Evan blinked and broke into a grin. "Come on, let's fix that mug. Without magic this time."

They grew closer than they ever had and Evan got into the habit of resting his head on Jonathan's shoulder while they sat on the couch together. He sipped out of his super glued coffee mug and never stopped being that small weight on his shoulder.

Jonathan giggled and looked over at him, "I know what you could be for Halloween."

Evan almost choked on his hot chocolate.


	9. Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, to all of you beautiful followers and reviewers out there! I hope your day is wonderful and full of smiles! (: - walk

* * *

There was a box.

It sat there in the middle of the room, taunting him by the little piece of tape that held the top closed. He could breathe on it and the thing would open and reveal what was inside.

Jonathan knew very well that Evan had left it sitting there in the middle of the living room on purpose. Because Evan knew that Jonathan couldn't resist. It was a test of patience and Jonathan was anything but.

So there he was silently freaking out over the limited edition collectors edition of the Friday the 13th game. He nearly shoved his fist into his mouth to keep from screaming and waking up the entire apartment building.

He placed the wimpy piece of tape back on the box and went to bed with a smile, curling up extra close to a warm and oblivious Evan who hummed sleepily and pulled him close.

"I love you." Jonathan whispered and got a kiss on the nose before he fell asleep.

Christmas morning came and Jonathan tried to hide his disappointment when the box was nowhere to be found as they opened their presents from each other. The game never surfaced and he tried his best to brush it aside. He forgot about it and kissed Evan softly as they cleaned up all the paper and destroyed tissue paper they was scattered around them.

Then he felt guilty as they sat there messing with their gifts. He glanced up and watched Evan in the dark early morning hour. The lights from the Christmas tree were shining in his eyes and he fell in love with him just a little but more when he looked up and grinned. Right then, he didn't care if he never got to see that game in his hands. As long he could keep Evan, he'd be the happiest man in the universe.

* * *

Evan looked over at him as they drove in the nasty Christmas weather. "What?"

Jonathan giggled. "Let me ask you something. Who else would you be driving to Taco Bell with on a rainy Christmas morning while listening to 50 Cent if you didn't have me?"

Evan broke into a smile and threaded their fingers together. "No one. Because there's no one I'd rather be with."

Jonathan gave him a warm grin and squeezed his hand before turning his eyes back on the road.

* * *

Even though he was over it and he'd accepted that he may never see that game, he still felt like something was off about it. Maybe Evan had forgot, but he knew he laid it out on purpose. He just didn't know why.

Not until they met up with some of the guys in a park while the sky darkened on that cold, wet Christmas evening. String lights made the misty sky glow and it was almost like a fairy tale but Jonathan didn't say it out loud. They'd laugh. But he had a permanent grin the whole time they strolled together, talking about the gifts they'd received.

Evan stopped and held up a finger. "That reminds me. I'll be right back."

Jonathan watched him go and return from their car a minute later with gifts in his hand. Along with the box.

His heart soared, but plummeted just as soon as Evan handed that one box in particular to Marcel instead of him. And to have to stand there and watch as they unwrapped their gifts, to have to see that look of disbelief on Marcel's face, it was heartbreaking.

He'd done it to himself, he knew that and he hated that he could never control his curiosity.

"And for you . . ." Evan turned his way, his eyes catching the sadness in Jonathan's.

"Me?"

Evan took his hand and smiled as he took a deep breath. "Yes you. I have something else for you."

"What?" Jonathan asked dumbly and blinked a few times before it registered when Evan kneeled down on one knee.

"Jonathan . . ."

Jonathan's chin trembled and his heart flew. Hot tears ran down his face and he almost let a sob ring out. "Evan . . ."

Evan caught his terrified eyes and asked, "Will you marry me?"

He nodded and laughed when Evan broke into a beautiful smile. "Yes."

Jonathan couldn't stop his hand from shaking as he watched Evan slip the thin silver ring onto his finger. Then he was being wrapped up in his big arms, in a hug he was so familiar with, an embrace he could live in.

"I love you, so much." Evan said as they guys clapped and hollered around them.

"I love you, so much more. I'm sorry I peeked at that game." Jonathan buried his face in the crook of his fiancé's neck.

"I knew you would. But I wanted you to see, so you would be disappointed and then turn around and be given something so much better." Evan chuckled.

"This was so much better. I'll never peek again. I've learned my lesson this time."

Evan pulled back and took his face in his hands, "But just so you know, I did get you one, too."

Jonathan snorted on a laugh, "You asshole."

But he was cut off with a warm kiss in the cold wind and he made Evan stay up all night and watch him play Friday the 13th until the Asian persuaded him to come to bed. Jonathan could never resist when he promised kisses and cuddles and happy endings.


	10. Harmony

It was cold.

It was raining.

Evan was sitting in the warm pub on that freezing New Year's Eve and he didn't know what it was. He couldn't brush off that nagging feeling that something was going to happen, or that he needed to be somewhere. Because he hadn't planned this. The anxiety was rising and the bar was getting more and more crowded as the weather drove people in.

He'd lost the guys hours ago as they bar hopped through L.A. but he didn't mind. He was drunk and sitting on a bar stool was probably the best course of action until he could stand on his own again.

To be honest, he couldn't remember why he'd agreed to do this to himself on New Year's. He didn't like to drink and he didn't like to be reminded of how fucking out of place he was with the world. Or how much he just wanted to leave. Leave everything and everyone behind, just go and figure himself out. Because he still couldn't understand how to let things go, or how to stop over thinking every minute detail of his life. He couldn't stop planning, couldn't stop the order that he enforced so strictly upon himself and every aspect of his life.

How did you be carefree? How did you just wake up in the morning and smile, make yourself coffee and look out the window and just feel okay with yourself and the way everything was? How?

"You alright there, man?"

Evan opened his eyes and looked at the bartender who was drying off a glass. Evan grinned like he always did and slid off the stool. "Yeah, I'm great. Perfect. Totally not having an existential crisis or anything crazy like that. Nope."

The other man smirked, "I get it, dude. I've been stuck in one for years. Still haven't figured it all out. Takes time. I may seem chill, but I'm internally screaming right now. Always."

Evan blinked, things still held a blurry outline but he could focus a bit better. "Yeah, I'm . . . I don't even know. I'm just a quiet ball of emotions and I don't know what to do with myself."

"Well, I like to go sit on the swings at the park and think about life. But I don't recommend it since it's cold, wet, and freezing outside. You should give it a try though when the weather is nice." The bartender said and grinned.

Evan looked at him thoughtfully. Was everyone this way? Did everyone smile and go about their day in a haze even though they were stuck in a confusing war with their own thoughts? Was everything really that messed up?

"Yeah, I'll do that." He said distractedly and grabbed his coat off the back of the barstool before he pulled the hood up and made his way into the cold rain. It bit at his face but he was too lost in his own head to feel it. His feet carried him down the sidewalk, he didn't know for how long. But he ended up in the park with the muddy ground beneath his shoes and a swing waiting patiently in front of him. It swayed slightly with the wet wind and he took a seat, staring out ahead of him at the rain that was coming down so thickly, it was getting hard to see. His mind wandered until it settled on the same thing it had earlier.

Delirious.

The man had showed up out of nowhere with everyone else. But he had a woman on his arm and a smile on his face and Evan hated it. He hated everything about him. He hated how happy he seemed and how pretty she was. He hated how no matter what life threw at the guy, he always had a smile on his face. He hated how he had everything figured out.

He envied him to such a degree that it was embarrassing and he was ashamed of it. Ashamed to say that he wanted to hate the one person he cared about the most. But he couldn't. Delirious was the most lovable person he'd ever met and he wanted that. Evan wanted that happiness and that light that he gave off. He wanted that genuine smile to grace his own face.

Evan just wanted to be okay.

"Why in the fucking hell are you sitting on a swing in a park in the middle of a goddamn ice storm on New Year's Eve, sulking?" That kind familiar voice reached his ears.

Evan felt his heart beating heavily against his sternum, suddenly feeling the icy rain and wind cutting into him like a knife.

He shook his head and it felt slower that usual. He was still a bit drunk. "Yeah, well, why do you have to be so perfect?"

Delirious laughed and pointed at himself, "Me? Perfect? Wow, Evan, you're the dumbest guy I know if you think that I'm perfect."

Evan just sat there miserably and pushed the hood off his head so he could soak in the cold and just let himself wither away.

"Now you're just being dramatic." Delirious smiled but it faded when he stepped in front of him. "You're drunk so I kind of understand. But I can tell something is seriously wrong with you because all the times you asked me to come here and spend time with you, I finally get here and you disappear. Why?"

Evan didn't have an answer just an exhausted shake of his head and before he knew it, he was being pulled to his feet. "Come on, let's get you home and warm. I'd hate it if you got sick."

"M'kay." Evan mumbled and slid into a cab with him and began to shiver.

His teeth were chattering relentlessly by the time they got into the elevator and he could hardly feel anything on his body by the time they got into his apartment.

Delirious wasted no time and led him to the room where he pulled the wet clothes from both of their bodies and stole some of Evan's underwear for him and threw him a pair.

"I hope you don't mind." He said and Evan watched him slide the briefs up his long legs. He slid his own on and put on the long sleeve shirt and pajama pants that were laid out for him.

"There's hot chocolate in the kitchen cabinet if you want some." Evan muttered and pulled the sleeves of the shirt down over his fingers.

"That sounds perfect." The older man smiled and disappeared for a few minutes before he returned with two steaming mugs in his hand.

Evan got under his covers and sat up in the bed before Jonathan handed him his cup. Then he crawled in beside him and they sipped the hot drink in the darkened room. The only light was the dim glow coming in from the streets below and the occasional flicker of lightening.

Evan finally sighed, "Sorry I disappeared. I just have a lot of issues."

"Like everyone else." Jonathan shrugged.

Evan looked over at him, "What issues could you possibly have?"

Jonathan hummed, amused. "I'm a five-star fuck up. A grade-A disaster."

Evan almost snorted. "Yeah, right."

"Evan. Just because you have problems doesn't mean everyone else's life is rainbows and sunshine. Everyone has a problem, or an issue, or insecurities. You're not the only one who's at war with himself."

"Are you?" Evan stared into his calm eyes.

He grinned and it was sad and Evan wanted it to go away. "Always."

"Why?"

"Because I envy you and your perfectly organized life. So neat and meticulous and colorful. It's so thought out and clean and I look at myself and I see this rolled up mess who's almost thirty with nothing to show for it." Jonathan sat his empty mug on the nightstand and rubbed his face.

Evan actually started to laugh and he let it all out when Delirious looked over at him confused. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth. Because I'm envious of you and your carefree lifestyle. Your fucking 'don't give a shit' attitude. You always seem so happy and I want that. I hate what I see when I look in the mirror every day because I see my day laid out in front of me like a fucking written, detailed schedule and I just want to rip it up. But I never do because I don't know how. I just want to wake up at a random time and stare at the city while the sun rises. I want to watch it and have that feeling that everything is okay and it doesn't matter what I do that day because I don't have plans and I can just do whatever the fuck I want. But I don't know how to let it go. That sense of order and routine. I don't know how to . . ."

Jonathan grinned and it reached his eyes, "Relax?"

"Yes."

"I may seem all cool and carefree but I'm a mess. I live my life a day at a time and it fucks me over more often than not. But I take it as it comes, I don't let it get me down. But I'd like to find some sort of stability. Just a little bit of order." Jonathan sank further into the blankets.

"Like what?" Evan followed him down and got comfortable.

"A relationship maybe."

"I thought you were in one."

Jonathan smiled wide. "She's just my friend. I take her everywhere I go. For emotional support."

"Oh. I gotcha." Evan laughed and felt himself dozing in the heat that they had created.

"Stop trying to hold those heavy eyes open, Evan." Delirious chuckled. "Go to sleep."

Evan obeyed and started to drift into a dream. "Mm. I kind of hate you."

Jonathan watched the sleep spread over Evan's face as his body went limp. "Why?"

Evan sighed heavily and he scrunched his brows together. "Because I love you."

Jonathan stared at his sleeping form for minutes, trying to understand. Trying to figure out if that was Evan speaking or just an alcohol induced dream. He turned to his back and stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours. Until a voice brought him back to reality.

"I always thought I was stupid because I wanted what you had. I told myself that I hated your face and your smile and your laugh, because I thought it wasn't fair that I couldn't be as happy as you always seemed to be. But I realized I never hated you. I couldn't because when I'm with you, playing with you, or just talking . . . you make me feel okay and I understand now that I don't need whatever it is you have. I just need YOU. I'd be just as lonely as I am now even if I did have your mindset. Because I'd just be in a different state of mind with no one to balance me out. But you do. And I love that -"

Evan inhaled the scent that filled his nose when he felt Jonathan's lips on his own. He smelled like rain and washed up dreams that had nowhere to go, but he'd help them get there if it made him happy.

He felt a tongue and warm hands and he couldn't stop the smile that spread. Jonathan pulled back and looked sincere when he said, "I'll help you relax if you give me some stability."

Evan pulled his face down to his and kissed him soft and smooth before he pulled back with a warm fond grin and said, "Deal."

They kissed themselves to sleep and woke up at a random hour and watched the city rise. Jonathan made them coffee and they did nothing all day but lay around and learn each other through and through until Evan was relaxed, laying across his long body and Jonathan felt like his feet were planted more firmly on the ground when Evan took his hand in his.


	11. Changes

Evan was everything. Evan was funny, famous, sexy, and smart. He had everything and he was perfect.

Jonathan hated it. Because he felt like he was getting further away than he used to be and that wasn't the friend he once knew. He let himself get frustrated over it and for the first time in all the years they'd been playing together, he snapped.

Evan was complaining about something trivial and Jonathan was tired. "There's going to be so many people at this party. I don't even know if it's worth it, dude."

Jonathan rubbed his eyes and sighed loudly, "If it's that big of a deal, cancel the fucking party and just do nothing for New Year's. You don't HAVE to party. You don't have to be a typical dude and throw parties all the fucking time and get white boy wasted."

There was silence and he almost regretted saying it all, but then Evan huffed and said. "What's up with you?"

"Me? Nothing, I'm just kind of missing how me and you used to be."

Evan hesitated. "What do you mean?"

Jonathan shrugged to himself. "Have you heard yourself this past year? All you talk about is parties, girls, and yourself. It's not you. All we used to sit and talk about was music, and games, and the world. You're not who you used to be, Evan."

"Are you serious right now?" Evan asked and Jonathan heard the anger in his voice. It made him sick.

"Dead serious."

"Delirious, I finally get to the point I've always wanted to be at and now you're not happy with it? And why does it matter? It's my life." Evan was just sitting there in disbelief. Delirious had never had an issue with him. Ever. It made his face heat and his heart hurt.

"Evan, I'm happy for you. Really. But you're just not the same Evan that I f - " Delirious caught his tongue. "That I got to know all those years ago."

Evan shook his head. "I don't fucking understand. We still talk all the time, about everything."

"No we don't. You don't notice it. But I do."

"So that's it? You're mad at me for changing?" Evan voice rose.

Jonathan almost pulled his hair out. "Yes! You're different and you grew this fucking ego that I can't even describe!"

"That's bullshit!" Evan yelled back.

"You have never ditched me for your own gain before, Evan! You started doing it months ago and you obviously don't fucking care because you didn't even apologize!" Jonathan took a breath and everything that was on his shoulders doubled in weight and he wanted to cry. "You didn't even realize you did it!"

"I - no I didn't, Delirious! I've never left you! Why would I do that?"

Jonathan slammed his fists on the desk. "Because you had a fucking date and a party to host! That's why, you fucking asshole."

Silence rang out and it finally hit him how ridiculous he sounded and how jealous he seemed and it didn't register with either of them that they were still in the call with everyone else. Not until Marcel cleared his throat.

But Evan ignored them, "Why don't you turn that god damn camera on and say that to my face, you dick."

His voice was low and menacing and he blinked back the hot angry tears when Jonathan left the call abruptly. He threw his headphones off and stood. He paced, ignoring the guys trying to talk to him on the laptop.

He thought hard about what Delirious had said and he wasn't wrong. He had dropped out of his game to meet with a girl and start a party one time and he never once thought about what Jonathan felt.

There was a sudden banging at his door and he whipped his head around and stared, waiting for it to stop. He stormed over when it didn't and slung the door open to find a guy looking him dead in the eye.

Evan backed away when he pointed straight at his chest and said, "That's why, you fucking asshole."

Jonathan watched Evan's eyes go wide, watched his mouth hang open while he searched for words. "You - how?"

He rolled his eyes. "I live here, Evan."

"Since when?!"

He stepped past him into the apartment, glancing at him sideways as he moved. "Today makes an entire month. You would've known that if you had stayed in those games with me. I told everyone, but you were never around. Or if we did talk, you had better things to complain about so why would I interrupt you? I'm not a dick, Evan."

"Really? Because you're being one." Evan shut his door and crossed his arms, still staring at his broad shoulders, not entirely believing that any of this was real or happening.

Jonathan spun. "I'm being one because I care! I'm trying to let you know that you aren't the same person anymore, Evan! Change is fine, but this is not a good change! You're . . . selfish and you are slowly leaving me behind! I thought we were best friends!"

"We are!" Evan was so confused and flustered because Jonathan's eyes were so bright and there was a flame burning behind them. He couldn't look away. His face was so kind yet worried and pleading.

"Then where are you? Where have you been? Because you haven't been there for ME!" Jonathan clenched his jaw to keep his lip from trembling.

Evan was dumbfounded, standing there staring at him trying to stop breathing so fucking hard.

"Don't you get it, Evan?" Jonathan's voice gave just a little and he swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I miss you."

Evan curled his fingers into his palms and fought back the wave of emotion that fell over him. "Delirious -"

"No!" The tears escaped and he brushed them away. "You are my best friend and I want you back the way you were before I stopped being yours."

Evan felt the ache in his chest and he rubbed his lips together before he took a small hesitant step forward toward the man he'd always held close, but neglected unintentionally. The heaviness of the situation settled in and it hit him hard that Delirious had been right there, so close, for an entire month and he hadn't known because he was too busy with himself.

Evan tried to say he was sorry but he couldn't breathe properly and simply shook his head before he teared up. But Delirious was there with an outstretched hand and Evan took it until they were locked in an embrace that he never thought he'd feel. It was wishful thinking he had thought about for so long he forced himself to stop long ago.

"Jonathan-" He tried but his voice broke and he wrapped him up tighter. The weight of it all got lighter the longer they stood there. Small sniffles echoed in the apartment and neither one would let go. Not until they heard a cautious voice that sounded really far away.

"You guys still alive or did you kill each other?" Tyler asked and Delirious was the first to laugh. He pulled away and wiped at his face.

Evan let his hands fall away, "I'm sorry and you don't have to forgive me for being an asshole. Because I have been and I never meant to leave you in the dark like that. You're right about me. I've changed and I don't like it. I'm not happy with myself and I think it's because I haven't been spending as much time with you." Evan chuckled. "You have a very dramatic effect on my behavior and I suppose since time has been scarce between us, it's made my attitude change. I'm sorry. If I had known you were here I would have been in your business so much you'd probably be annoyed with me. Because I've wanted this for as long as I can remember. You, this close to me. You're still my best friend, Delirious. That's not going to change."

Jonathan smiled and it was Evan's undoing. The feelings he knew he had for him before, came forward and multiplied the longer he stared at his face. His face that was strong, a jaw line that had him weak, studs in his ears that flickered in the light.

Evan got himself together and pulled his phone out, sending out a mass text.

"What are you doing?"

Evan looked up and smirked, "Cancelling the party. It's just me and you tonight, is that alright?"

Jonathan rubbed at his neck and nodded, "Yeah, that would be awesome."

"It's done. So what do you wanna do? Just me and you, we can do whatever you want." Evan crammed his hands in his pockets and smiled.

"You guys need to fuck and get it over with!" Nogla yelled over the small speaker on the computer and Evan rolled his eyes. He walked over and double checked to make sure the camera was still off so they wouldn't see Delirious and he pulled his mic closer.

"Guys, we'll talk to you later. I'm sorry if I've been different lately or a dick in any way. But, um, I love you guys and I appreciate every one of you. Have a Happy New Year."

"Dick is your middle name, remember?" Lui laughed and it lightened the mood. "You two have fun and Happy New Year."

Evan shut his set-up down and turned back to the guy that drove him mad sometimes, but he was the guy he didn't want anyone else to have. He felt like a moron for almost letting him slip away like that. So easily, he had got caught up in himself. But he'd try his best not to do it again. How could he, though, with Delirious so near now?

Evan smiled and ran his hand through Jonathan's hair, messing it up before he hugged him again.

"Can we play something?" Jonathan asked hopefully when they pulled apart. "It's been forever."

"Yeah." Evan grinned knowingly. "Far Cry?"

Jonathan broke into a smile. "Far Cry."

He ran into the elevator and rode up two floors to his apartment to grab his computer and headphones and then he was getting comfortable next to Evan on the couch as they set up the game.

It was the first time they'd been able to witness each other's laugh in person as they blew each other up and went on wild adventures.

Evan caught himself staring over at him every time he'd throw his head back and laugh whole heartedly and clutch his stomach until he couldn't breathe. It was adorable and by the time midnight grew closer they were sitting shoulder to shoulder. They could feel the vibrations of each other's voice as they spoke.

"Hey, it's almost midnight. You want a drink?" Evan pushed himself from the couch and headed into his kitchen and fetched two glasses before Delirious even gave him an answer.

He looked back to find the man watching him with a far off look that he shook himself from quickly. He gave a small nod. "Sure."

So, Evan mixed them up something that tasted like coffee and chocolate and guided him out onto the balcony where they leaned against the railing and watched the festivities going on below.

Jonathan got quiet and for a moment he seemed nervous. Evan caught on to the way he rubbed at the water on the glass as it formed and dripped down to the street below. He saw the movement of the apple on his throat as he swallowed down whatever he was feeling. Whatever he was holding back.

"Why didn't you just come down and knock on my door?" Evan nudged him lightly, but it didn't relax Jonathan like he hoped. He was still stuck in his thoughts and worrying about something.

"Honestly?"

Evan nodded. "Yeah."

"I was terrified." Jonathan shook his head. "Trust me, I've been trying to talk myself into doing it ever since I moved in. But I couldn't. Every time I saw you around, you were with someone. I didn't want to get in your way. Scared of what you'd think of me."

Evan huffed and small laugh of disbelief. "I would have dropped everything for you, if you had just said something. But . . . I guess you tried, didn't you? I just wasn't listening."

Jonathan glanced at him sideways and gave him a despondent grin. "It's okay, Evan. I just don't want you to turn into someone that you'll hate."

Evan crinkled his brow. He was more than a little exasperated with himself. "I don't want to turn into someone that you hate."

Delirious smiled, "I don't think I could ever hate you. Not when I lo-"

There was a loud crack that resonated in the cold California air and it shocked both of them. Their heads snapped up and their eyes locked onto the bright purple trails of sparks that ran across the sky. Shouts rang out below and Evan looked down at his watch.

"Happy New Year, Delirious."

But Delirious didn't move. His eyes never strayed from the sight above as the fireworks continued to burst across the sky.

"I've never seen fireworks before." Jonathan muttered so softly that Evan almost didn't hear him.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's weird, I know. I'm twenty-eight and I've never seen fireworks with my own eyes." He laughed gently. "I lived in such a small town that couldn't afford an annual firework show. We just had Roman candles, bottle rockets, sparklers, and smoke bombs. But this . . . this is so beautiful."

(Listen to Dabin - Hold [ft. Daniela Andrade])

Evan chewed at his lip and thought for a moment before he dashed back inside while Jonathan was in a daze. He returned with two sets of headphones and his phone.

"I just finished another song. I want you to listen and tell me what you think." Evan waited until they both had their headphones on to press play and when he did, his entire world faded.

Jonathan fell into a state of mind he couldn't quite describe, but it was the most serene feeling he'd ever experienced. It made him hurt because it was Evan's doing. Always Evan.

The Asian looked over and witnessed the colors dancing on Jonathan's face as he stared up above. Then he watched the smile spread across his face and he closed his eyes.

He was fascinating. His lips were sharp and soft. His nose as straight as his jaw line. He was alluring and Evan was enraptured so quickly and intensely that he didn't realize that Jonathan was looking at him.

They both felt it as the music flowed through them. They felt that pull, the one that always had them tied together by an invisible string. The delicate thread that led them to each other first whenever they started a game.

It was pulling them together now while the colors bounced off their skin and the sounds echoed off the building. It set their hearts into an unsteady rhythm. Their bodies slid closer, their heads tilting and just before their lips touched, Evan stopped.

He pulled his headphones off and pushed Jonathan's down to his neck and he wondered, "What were you going to say before the fireworks stopped you?"

The man blinked and his eyes cleared. "I was going to say that I could never hate you. Not when I love you so fucking much."

That was all Evan needed to hear and he closed the last few inches between them. His lips were just as soft and pliant as they looked. Red, wet, and feverish against his own.

Evan slipped his hand along his face to cup his jaw and Jonathan pulled away with a hiss. He snorted on a laugh. "Your hands are so fucking cold."

Evan chuckled warmly, "I'm sorry. How about some hot cocoa then, or apple cider? Then we can get back to this. Your nose is a little red."

Jonathan grinned sheepishly and nodded, "Yeah, I can't feel it. Hot chocolate sounds amazing right now. I mean, your mouth sounds even better, but I'd rather kiss you when I'm hot rather than kiss you when I'm cold. I mean, I'd kiss you whenever-"

Evan pressed their lips together again quickly to shut his nervously rambling up. He pulled back with a grin, "I get it."

They ended up kissing while they were both hot, full of cocoa, filling the room with laughter as they played more games into the early morning hours.

Jonathan rolled over in the warm blanket they were wrapped up in on Evan's couch when the sun woke him up around noon. He smiled down at him, "You're so warm."

"Mm." Evan mumbled into the pillows.

Jonathan ran his fingers up his neck. "And soft."

Evan cracked an eye open.

"You know what that makes you?" Jonathan rubbed his lips together but couldn't stop the giggle from coming out when Evan shook his head and squinted his eyes.

"Don't say it."

He bit at his lip, "Teddy bear."

"Nooooo!"


	12. Blades (Hockey AU)

Jonathan was in the penalty box for punching another guy. But the guy had been intentionally fucking with Fong, their best player. So those few minutes spent pacing, waiting, they were worth it. He let his helmet rest on the bench and he ran his hands through his sweaty hair as he watched the nimble and skilled Asian dance through their foes with such ease. It kind of turned him on. Fong juked them, making the puck shoot out behind them while he swung around to catch up with it again. He was flawless.

Until that asshole came up behind him. Jonathan jumped to his feet as his timer reached ten seconds. He was itching to get out and he watched the guy clip Fong's skate with his stick. They both went down right at the goal, wiping out the goalie and the net all in one go.

The ref opened the door for Jonathan just as soon as he saw red. So much fucking red he could practically smell the blood from where he was on the ice. He felt the hair stand on his head and he knew right then. He dropped his helmet, his stick, his self control. His feet carried him faster than they ever had to the other side of the rink, shoving whoever was in his way.

"EVAN!" He screamed and he could hear every other sound fade away until there was nothing but the heartbeat in his ears. "Get out of the way!"

He pulled at the fucker that was half laying on top of Evan and the goalie and shoved him to the side. That's when the Asian moved, his weak fingers struggling with the helmet on his head. He pushed it off and Jonathan panicked. Blood was pouring profusely from the massive gash in his neck from that guy's skate when they fell. It hit an artery.

Jonathan tuned everything else out and shoved Evan's hands away and pulled his own gloves off before pressing down on the wound as well as he could to slow the bleeding. It was so warm and Evan was staring at him like he was only thing he could see. Which under the circumstances, he might have been. His eyes started to roll and Jonathan's heart skipped.

"Hey! Hey! Look at me, man!" He tried and Evan blinked hard. "Evan, just stay awake, please. I'm fucking begging you."

Jonathan felt a firm hand on his shoulder and looked back to see the entirety of the two teams huddled around them and the medic right beside him with a stretcher. "You're doing great son. Don't move your hand. Keep talking to him."

He gave a nod and turned back to Evan who was pale. "You're alright. You're gonna be alright."

Then they lined the stretcher up beside him and he held his hand down while the men moved Evan over and the team helped him to his feet when everyone stood. Someone even took his skates off when they got off the ice.

So there he was in his hockey gear in the back of a cramped ambulance talking to his crush while he held his life in his hands. But Evan never closed his eyes. "You're gonna make it. You wanna know how I know?"

Evan blinked weakly in response. Jonathan grinned. "Because I still have to pluck up the courage to ask you out to dinner. You seem like the kind of guy who likes to go see a scary movie in theaters on the first date and then go eat an entire pizza. Play some Call of Duty late night and tell me really embarrassing stories about yourself."

Evan's fingers flinched and his heartbeat spiked on the monitor for a moment. Jonathan smiled and the ambulance stopped. As he ran barefoot with the doctors down the hall to the operating room, he felt Evan's hand squeezing his shirt in his fist and he really didn't want to leave when they got there.

"Alright, now quickly pull your hand back and I'm going to go in." The doctor nodded at him and Jonathan finally removed his hand. His hand that was dark with blood, the iron biting at his senses.

He didn't know how long he sat there in the hall with his head in his hands, but it was long enough that the team was there and his buddy Marcel was standing beside him telling him he had blood all over his face. Then he pulled him to the bathrooms and helped him out of his gear, washed his hands and face with a wet shirt.

"He's gonna make it." Marcel whispered, but it still echoed.

"Yeah….."

Jonathan stayed for hours. He stayed for so long that his eyes were dry and the sun was peeking into the hallway. He stayed until he couldn't hold his eyes open anymore and he woke up laying across the seats with jerseys laying over him as a blanket. He grinned and then remembered why he was there and ran down to the room he'd left Evan in to find it empty.

He chased down a nurse, "Hey! Hi! Sorry, hello. Have you seen the guy with the slashed throat? The hockey player?"

She blinked and his heart sank briefly before she smiled and took his hand, guiding him down a few hallways into a recovery ward and left him there. There was one curtain drawn beside a bed and he stepped over silently and pulled it back gently to find that same pretty Asian asleep. Alive.

His legs felt like jelly and he sank into the chair beside him, rubbing at his eyes that decided they needed to tear up right then and there. He breathed heavily trying not to sob out loud. But Evan was such a great guy, such a good friend to him and he'd known him for a while now. He never deserved this. He'd almost lost him before he ever got to see if he could have him.

A soft voice startled him. "Hey."

Jonathan jumped and sat up in the chair, taking the hand that Evan held out. "Hey…."

"I heard … you saved my life." Evan smiled but then winced.

Jonathan chuckled, "I guess I finally did something right, huh?"

Evan turned his head and met his eyes. "Have you plucked up the courage yet?"

Jonathan blinked back the shock, but then he grinned. "I think so."

"Because I've been waiting for like a fucking year, dude." He broke into another smile and squeezed his hand a little harder. "It only took me getting a skate to the throat for you to do it."

"You're such a little bitch." Jonathan said but it didn't have any bite to it. It was how they bickered, tenderly with a hint of affection. He let his thumb rub slow soft circles over Evan's hand as they sat there in silence, soaking up each others presence when they heard footsteps and then a too familiar voice.

Marcel cupped his hands around his mouth, "He wants the D, Evan!"

Jonathan didn't say anything, he just smiled and shook his head before he let his head rest next to Evan's leg as he looked up at him. Evan ran his hand through his hair and Jonathan sighed. "It's true."

Evan bit back a smile, "Likewise."


	13. 4 Times Evan Ran & One Time He Didn't

The first time, Delirious went to a con and Evan 'got sick' and didn't go. He'd said it was the flu and he didn't want to get anyone else sick so he stayed home. But Delirious knew he was lying because when he got home and played a game with him, he sounded normal with no trace of sickness in his voice. He didn't call him out on it because everyone had their reasons and their excuses. If Evan didn't want to meet him and was too scared to out right say it just yet, then he would take whatever story he told and brush it off. Evan was his best friend and he'd give him all the time he wanted.

The second time, he expected the rejection but it stung nonetheless. He had offered to house the guys who all wanted to visit for a huge football game that was happening nearby. He knew Evan didn't particularly care for the sport, but since everyone else would be there, he invited him anyway. But Evan had an excuse. A date with someone new. Delirious didn't know if he believed it or not. Either way he couldn't enjoy the game as he sat there in the stands, zoning out as the players ran down the field in an insane game that used to make him lose his mind. The hype was gone and replaced with thoughts filled with a guy he really wanted to stop thinking about.

The third time, Tyler had invited him to his home for the first time just to visit, to check it out and get out of his own house for a while. He agreed immediately and when he arrived Tyler grinned. "I invited Evan, too. He should be landing soon."

His heart jumped to his throat and Tyler was laughing at him while he paced, chewing his nails off. But he wanted to go lie in the road when Tyler came back in the room, hanging up his phone with a look on his face that told Jonathan everything he needed to know. Evan had bailed.

"What was his excuse this time?" He said with a sad grin.

Tyler sighed. He felt for him, he really did. "Said his Gran was in the hospital. He had to catch another flight up to Canada to go see her. I just don't know how he figured out you would be here. Was I suspicious about the invite?"

Jonathan shook his head and tried not to let his emotions get the best of him. He ran his hands through his hair and sat in silence for a few minutes before Tyler pulled him to his feet and hugged him tight. Then he dragged him out of the house and took him all over town, taking his mind off of it for as long as he could. Jonathan appreciated it because he'd never been so close to crying about it before.

The fourth time, Jonathan was tired. He'd just woke up and he could feel the tension between them in the Skype call even though neither one had said a word about it before. They both knew. He knew that Evan was holding it on his shoulders like a burden and Jonathan didn't understand why he was putting himself through this.

"All you have to do is say that you don't want to meet me, Evan. And I'll stop trying." He said quietly while they were playing and their laughter had died down in to another uncomfortable silence. He couldn't take it anymore. "I just don't know what you're so afraid of."

"I'm sorry . . ." Was all Evan said and it burned through him.

"How about I just turn my camera on?" Jonathan suggested. "That way you at least know what I look like."

"No!" Evan said, sounding panicked for a moment.

"Evan . . . just fucking say you don't ever want to see me or meet me. Because that would be a whole lot fucking better than you avoiding me like you have been." Jonathan clenched his jaw and he didn't mean to be so blunt about it, but he was done pretending that it was fine. "I'm coming to L.A. for E3 this weekend. I'll be there so this is your chance. If you want to meet me, then meet me. If not, don't even bother showing up."

Then he left the call, feeling guilty for leaving him there. But it faded as he packed his things and got on his flight.

The last time he tried, he was walking away from the convention, the crowds draining his mental energy. Lui ran to catch up to him. "Hey! Delirious, do you want to go ice skating with us later?"

"Sure. If you invite Evan, make sure you let him know I'm going to be there. That way if he bails, I'll know why."

Lui just nodded quietly and watched Jonathan turn and leave.

It looked like they had rented the rink for themselves because there wasn't a soul there when he showed up, early and alone so he could skate in silence before he learned whether or not Evan wanted to see him. Jonathan almost snorted on a laugh when he found a flimsy hockey mask sitting on the bench while he laced up his skates. He pulled the mask over his head and slid onto the ice with ease to the music that played, echoing around him on the empty ice. Ice skating was something he excelled at and he was listening to the wind whip by his ears as he skated backwards, spinning in perfect circles with quick precision.

His heart was fine until he caught a dark figure in his vision as he spun. He slid to a short quick stop and watched Evan glide over the ice through the holes of the cheap mask. He had his hands in his pockets and he looked more nervous than a kid on the first day of school. Delirious couldn't help but smile.

Evan rubbed the back of his neck and licked his lips. "Hi."

"Hey." Jonathan cocked his head to the side and Evan grinned.

"I'm sorry." The Asian shook his head and looked at his feet. "I just . . . I don't know."

Jonathan laughed. "What? Are you scared to see my face? I've got a surprise for you, I'm just your average ordinary guy. I'm nothing special."

Evan's head snapped up, "Yes you are. You're . . . _Delirious_."

Without warning Jonathan pulled the mask off of his head and he witnessed Evan's mind go blank, his eyes water, and his breaths become uneven. He couldn't find words. Jonathan smiled and Evan huffed a small laugh before he finally smiled and reached for him. And there they were locked in an embrace that kind of hurt because Evan was holding him by his waist like it was something he'd wanted to do his entire life. His breath was warm on his neck and they fit together so well. It wasn't until they heard people behind them that they tore themselves apart. The guys were whistling and skating around them with stupid grins and the two of them eventually joined them, skating for hours until they all got hungry and piled into Evan's apartment and ordered pizza.

Jonathan kept sneaking glances at Evan while they played games in his huge living room and each time he did, Evan was looking right back at him. He'd catch his eye, grin and then look away and it was doing nothing but making him anxious. So he took his leave when the other did, so he wouldn't be tempted to do something stupid, but Evan held him back when everyone else took the elevator.

He pulled his arm, making him fall against his chest into a hug that had him inhaling his smell; Old Spice and tenderness. Evan wrapped him up in his arms and they were standing like fools in the hall, rocking slightly on their feet before Evan pulled back and started walking him backwards. Jonathan felt his hands run up his arms and he raised a brow at him before he felt his fingers on his face and his back hit the wall. Then his mouth parted when he caught the look in Evan's eye before he pressed their lips together.

He pulled back, grinning when Jonathan chased his mouth and grabbed his shirt in his hands. "You see, this is why. This is why I made excuses, why I never wanted to meet you. Because I knew as soon as I saw you, I was never going to want to let you go."

Jonathan smiled, "You don't have to. You fucking idiot."

Evan slipped his hand down to the small of his back and pulled him against him, diving back into his soft lips, slipping his tongue past the one that drove him mad. Jonathan's hands were in his hair and he let a sound escape when Evan let his mouth leave a wet trail all the way down to his neck. He slipped his hands down to cup his ass and then he lifted him until Jonathan wrapped his legs around his waist. Evan began carrying him back to his room and they were only a few steps away when the elevator door opened. Brock and Marcel peeked their heads out.

"Ha! I knew it!" Brock yelled and Marcel clapped a hand over his mouth when Evan looked back and smiled. Jonathan wrapped himself around Evan tighter and gave them a wink when Evan got them inside before the door closed.

Marcel sighed, "Finally. That was worse than waiting for Game of Thrones to come back on."

Brock laughed and hit the button for the ground floor. "No that was worse than waiting on Elizabeth to realize she loved Mr. Darcy on Pride and Prejudice."

Marcel rolled his head in his directions. "You are such a sap."

Brock just grinned and shrugged. The doors opened and the guys were waiting for an answer in the lobby and lost it when he gave them a thumbs up.

"Let's go boys. Our work here is done."


	14. Disclaimer

WARNING: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE

* * *

Jonathan's lips were numb.

They weren't drunk.

But that's what they blamed it on.

Evan blamed it on a lot of things. He blamed it on himself and his lack of self control which was something he always seemed to have until the day he peeked his head around David when he was meeting him at a convention and there was Jonathan, blushing furiously, smiling, fingers trembling nervously.

He blamed it on the lack of time he'd been spending with his woman. His woman, whom he loved, but never could seem to convince. It didn't matter how much he laughed with her, or how much he pleased her. It didn't matter how many times he held her when she cried, she never really believed those three words.

He blamed it on his urges, on his dissatisfaction with what was right in front of him; a pretty face and a perfect body. But he wanted something more.

He blamed it on the realization that he didn't want someone so small and fragile. Someone so normal.

He blamed it on the tension that built between him and his friend and the heat that passed between them as they walked side by side that day.

But Evan wouldn't say any of that. Instead he hid the truth and blamed it on a lie.

He blamed it on the alcohol that never touched his tongue while someone else did.

They lied for three years and Evan forced himself to hold onto whatever feelings he still had for her while the rest of his heart was on the other side of the country in the clutches of a man he wouldn't allow himself to love.

For three years he lived in agony because neither one of them would bring it up. They pretended to forget, like it never even happened. They acted as if they hadn't backed themselves into a dark corner and kissed each other like the fate of the world depended on it. As if they didn't feel anything, like they didn't remember in painful detail how wet each others mouths were or how sweet their lips tastes or how hot their hands were beneath each others shirts. What had happened in just mere minutes was going to haunt them for a lifetime. It ate away at their sanity, kept them up at night.

Another convention came up eventually and Jonathan accepted his invite, walking behind the group intentionally avoiding any contact with the Asian who ran through his head for a thousand days and nights. His entire body hurt just being near him and he didn't know how they had played it off for so fucking long. As they were leaving, as cliche moments would have it, it started to rain and he saw her. He saw Evan's girl, perfect and glowing in the storm like a god damn constant reminder of the reason Evan didn't want him. He locked eyes with her and it was torture seeing him walk up to her, put his arm around her. He couldn't keep the tears from forming when Evan followed her line of sight until they were staring at each other for the first time in three years. The first time since it happened. Jonathan choked and turned into the crowd, running, not feeling any of the people shoving him. He didn't care. He just wanted to die.

* * *

Evan watched her pack. "Let me help you at least."

"No, Evan. It's fine." She stopped and sighed, pulling her hair back. "I just don't know why you kept me around for three years when he's the one you really wanted to be with."

Evan opened his mouth to object but she held up a gentle hand. "Don't lie to me anymore. Stop lying to _yourself_. You left me standing in the rain to run after _him._ "

She zipped up her bags and slung them over her shoulders. "Look me in the eye, Evan, and tell me you love me without it sounding like a lie."

He couldn't.

She grinned sadly and walked to the door, "I'll always be your friend, but I think the three of us need to stop suffering. So go find him, be with him, make up for all the time you wasted on someone you didn't even need."

Evan wanted to be mad that it was over but he felt the calm silence settle around him when she waved and walked out the door. He looked around and waited for the sad amazing memories to surface, but they didn't because there were none. There was nothing significant enough to bury itself in his mind, but the one thing that did was Jonathan running away in the pouring rain, out of his reach. Evan changed into some dry clothes and reached for his phone.

Jonathan never answered.

Evan set out on the empty streets and went back to the spot that he lost him in the crowd and kept walking. He walked until he found Luke searching as well.

"Do you know were he went?"

"No." Luke wiped at his face. "Something's wrong. He's been different lately, I can't explain it."

Evan took a breath and looked up only to find a small dark silhouette standing on the roof of the building. "No . . ."

He took off before Luke could even comprehended what was going on. He took the elevator up to the roof and found him standing there, looking out at the city with his back to him. Evan's heart dropped when he saw him step onto the ledge.

"Jonathan!" He ran. "Stop!"

Jonathan looked back in surprise. His face was pale, pink from where he'd wiped his tears away. "Why?"

Evan fell to his knees in front of him, "Because I love you! Please, come down and I'll never let you go again. I need you and I'm sorry that I pretended for three fucking years that it never happened. Okay?"

Jonathan blinked.

Evan cried. "I love you . . . I love you so much. If anyone should be standing on that ledge it should be me and if you fall, I'll be right behind you."

"It's my fault just as much as it is yours." Jonathan said as he stepped down and got to his knees in front of him. Evan pulled him close and to touch him again was like being swallowed in light when he'd lived in darkness for so long. "I'm sorry."

Evan buried his face in his soft hair, "Don't apologize. I think we're both sorry enough."

"And stupid." Jonathan said and sighed against his shoulder. He breathed him in and felt the life pouring back into him.

"Yeah." Evan smiled. "Come home with me."

* * *

They walked away together, wiping away whatever doubts they had as they strolled down the unoccupied sidewalks of L.A. Evan grinned at him in the flickering lights of the night and took his hand in his, leading him back to the place where he'd keep him. He'd keep him safe in his arms, in his home.

In his bed.

As he shut the door behind them he brushed his hand over Jonathan's face, remembering exactly how he'd done it the first time and let his thumb run over his lips. He pulled at his damp clothes until he was laid out before him in the confines of his warm dry sheets, reaching out for him. Evan worked his way up to his mouth, kissing everything he could touch. His thighs, the insides of his wrists, his sides, his shoulders, and his neck. Jonathan exhaled against his lips when the came to rest upon his and when Evan pulled back he looked up at him and ran his fingers over his cheekbones; so prominent on his strong face. "I love you."

Evan caught his hand and kissed his palm, his fingertips. "I love you."

And it didn't sound like a lie because it wasn't.

He loved him and he blamed it on the way he looked at him, the way he smiled. He blamed it on the way he always made him laugh even when he'd just spilled coffee on his jeans.

He blamed it on the way the morning light caught his eyes and made them shine like fucking diamonds, like you could see the past, present, and future if you looked deep enough. He blamed it on the way his fingers ran over his skin.

He blamed it on the stupid little hum that rattled in his throat when he grinned. He blamed it on the way he called his name, the way his mouth hung open, the way his head slammed back onto the pillow as he pulled in air.

It was the way he said good morning and goodnight. It was the way he kissed him, the way he crawled into his lap just to rest his head on his shoulder and whisper sweet nothings into his ear.

It was the way they had tried to deny it, the way they tried to fight it, the way they suffered for years only to be pulled together even harder.

Only to love each other until they were ashes wrapping around each other in the wind.


	15. From The Heart

This was not how Jonathan had planned to spend Valentine's Day, double dating with a girl he had just met with Evan and his new date. It was awkward and in all honesty he'd rather be at home playing a game with his best friend instead of being in a cramped booth that was small because it was 'romantic'. It was bullshit.

He sighed and rest his head on his hand while he fiddled with the straw in his drink. Evan was watching him and Jonathan hoped he saw how miserable he was. He hoped he felt bad for dragging him out on the worst day of the year just because it was what everyone else did. Valentine's Day was so pointless and nothing but a source of income for companies. That was all and it set him on fire when he started hearing about how wonderful everyone was for getting their significant other the best gifts and blah blah blah.

The woman next to him leaned into him and he looked up, catching Evan's eye. The Asian cocked his head to the side in question and Jonathan clenched his jaw. He couldn't do this anymore.

Jonathan sat up straight and the girl tore herself away. He gave her a fake grin and said, "Excuse me, sweetheart. Could you let me out of the booth?"

Evan sat back and gave him a look, "Jonathan, don't."

But he didn't look back once he was on his feet. He walked over to the small stage that the band had just left unoccupied. He walked to a waiter first and handed him a wad of cash and whispered in his ear. The man nodded and allowed him up where he tapped the mic and cleared his throat giving another fake smile. Evan was already nervous. Jonathan was unstoppable when he was worked up about something.

"Hi, hello, everyone. If I could take up just a few minutes of your time tonight on this ridiculous holiday." He began and he could see Evan rubbing at his face. Jonathan smirked. "I just want to tell every single one of you how stupid you are."

That got everyone's attention and the room fell silent. He cracked his neck and gave them all a wink. "Not stupid, sorry. Just really really blind. Blind as a fucking bat like my friend who drags me out every year with someone new because he believes it's just tradition. But what about this day makes any other day less appropriate to show your appreciation and love for your significant other? Love and affection and support is something that you should give your other half every day, not waiting to treat them like a prince or princess on just one day."

Evan was trying to disappear into the dark corner of the booth but Jonathan didn't stop there. "And another thing that just blows my fucking mind. People! Why do you just absolutely melt when they get you flowers or a box of chocolate and then post it on social media with a loving caption like, oh my god I have the best husband, the best wife, the best boyfriend because he gave me flowers and surprised me with a gift certificate to a day at the spa?! Like … what the fuck? That is bullshit because your better half should not do that for you out of habit only one day out of the year and get a pat on the head and a kiss on the cheek for it. Don't congratulate your sorry excuse of a lover for thinking of you on a day that's been marked on their calendar for as long as they can remember. You should not be with someone who doesn't think of you that way any other day of the year. Are you listening?"

Evan blinked and he felt like an asshole because everything his friend was saying was absolute truth. He sat forward instead of ignoring his rant like he usually did. Jonathan grinned sarcastically to himself on the stage. "What I'm really trying to say it that you shouldn't be with someone who treats you extra special just on holidays and your birthday. Or Christmas. Your significant other should be your best friend. They should be someone that you can stand to look at after tonight instead of having one round of hot sex and then going back to your normal routine of sleeping with your backs to each other for two weeks until one of you is feeling horny enough. They should be someone who you can always laugh with, someone who listens to you and actually fucking cares when you've had a rough week."

Jonathan let his eyes wander to the back of the restaurant where he could barely see his best friend behind the girl he didn't even know. "I'm saying that your person should be someone you want see every day. Someone that doesn't just let you come home from a bad day at work and let you cry over the pizza rolls you burnt in the oven."

He saw Evan slowly move out of the booth and stand. Jonathan's heart beat a little harder and he felt the sting of tears, but he held them back. "And while you're sitting there in the kitchen floor, crying over burnt food and your fucked up life, they should be the person that sits down beside you and wipes the tears away even though it's pointless because more are coming. They should be the one to sit there and let you cry your heart out on them and then pull you up and into their arms. They should hold you and talk it out with you, because they know it's better to do that instead of holding it in like you have your entire life."

His voice wavered and he heard a few people sniffle when he wiped at a tear that had fallen. Even the waiters had stopped what they were doing to listen to him. "They should be someone that knows what you like to eat, someone that remembers you favorite movies, throws a blanket over you when you fall asleep on the couch. Someone that knows how to make you laugh and makes you happier than anyone ever has. Not just one day out of the year, but every day you're with them. Especially when you're not, because they are all you can think about when they're gone. All you can think about is how good they smell when they're hugging the life out of you, or how soft their hair is when you run your fingers through it."

He was about to choke. "Even if they belong to someone else. Even if they're JUST your best friend. Hold onto them, because it's so hard to find. It's so hard to find that person that you are so undeniably in love with that every breath they take … . you feel it leave your own lungs."

The tears fell and he heard someone start to clap and the next thing he knew everyone was standing, applauding him but he couldn't hear it. All he could hear was the sound of his heart beating like a drum and all he could see was the light in Evan's eyes as he looked at him. Jonathan looked down at his feet, his converse worn thin. The same ones that Evan had given him years ago so they would have a matching pair. He stepped down off the stage and didn't even look up as he walked out into the warm afternoon. He could feel his hands shaking as he watched the traffic fly by.

"You know … you didn't burn those pizza rolls THAT bad." Evan said softly and Jonathan turned on his feet to see him standing there with a beautiful grin on his face. The same one that made him fall in the first place, the one that convinced him to be his roommate, the same one that made him stop crying.

Jonathan gave a small laugh and wiped at his face. "No, they were pretty bad. Too far gone. There was no saving them."

Evan stepped closer and chuckled. "And that was the last pack, too."

"So, you went and bought me some more." He grinned.

Evan nodded, "I did. At one in the morning on a Monday."

Jonathan licked his dry lips. "Then we cooked them and listened to Limp Bizkit and played that stupid slap game with our hands."

"Then you got tired after you ate pretty much all of them by yourself." Evan said even softer. He stepped closer and let his hand settle on his best friend's waist.

Jonathan looked up at him. "Yeah … you let me sleep in your bed with you."

Evan smirked. "And you snored so fucking loud."

"I. DO. NOT. SNORE."

Evan grabbed Jonathan's jaw and pressed their noses together. "Yes. You fucking do."

Jonathan squinted his eyes, "Prove it."

"Sleep in my bed tonight and I will." Evan let his hand slide across Jonathan's cheek and around to the back of his neck.

He kissed him right there on the middle of the sidewalk while complete strangers had their faces pressed against the glass inside the restaurant to get a better view. Jonathan heard more applause and he couldn't help but smile while he wrapped his arms around his one and only best friend. The one that knew him inside and out and knew that he liked his coffee with more creamer than was necessary.

Evan pulled back for a breath and exhaled hot air against his mouth, "Sleep in my bed tonight and every night after that. I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else."

"I want pizza rolls first."

Evan kissed him again. "I already got you like six big bags in the freezer at home."

Jonathan ran his hands through his black soft hair and smiled, "Then what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

It was how it should've been all along; Evan running after his best friend whose smile never failed to brighten his day.


	16. Touch

Evan could tell by the way Jonathan held himself, that he was tense. He walked through the cafe door in downtown L.A. and greeted him with a smile. But Evan could see the anxiety behind it.

Evan reached his hand out for him and saw him lick his lips nervously before he took his fingers and grasped them in a firm handshake. "Hey, man."

"Hey." Evan smiled and went to pull him in for a hug and Jonathan was so awkward about it. He was stiff as a board, like he was silently praying for it to be over with already. So Evan pulled away and they sat across from each other and Jonathan relaxed when the human contact was over.

"So, how do you like it here?" Evan asked him over a cappuccino.

Jonathan shrugged, "It's different. But it's nice, I like it."

"Good. You should come over sometimes and we'll chill, watch movies and shows, play some games." Evan said cheerfully until he noticed the worry creep across his friend's face. "Or … we could hang at your place. Whichever."

"I'll think about it." Jonathan nodded and after they talked for a long while and shared a few laughs they parted ways. Evan waved instead of sending him off with a hug like he wanted to and he saw how much more Jonathan agreed with that idea.

It bothered him. A lot. To the point where when Evan got home he called Luke immediately. "Tell me the truth. Why is he so … awkward in person? He didn't even laugh as much as we do in games. He acted like he didn't want to be near me."

Luke have an amused sigh, "He doesn't like to be touched because he's not used to it. He's never been close enough to anyone to be comfortable coming in contact with them. He has this bubble around him that you gotta break through. But don't force it because it'll burst and you'll never see or hear from him again. Just, respect his comfort zone. It keeps him sane."

"Okay. I will. Thank you for telling me." Evan sat down hard on the sofa.

"No problem, man."

He hung up and stared at himself sitting there in the reflection on the tv screen until his bed called his name. He slept on the thought and when he woke, he had a plan. It would take time, but he'd give all the time in the world for Delirious.

It started off slow. He would let Jonathan choose when he wanted to come over or if he wanted Evan to come to his place and what time and for how long. He always let Jonathan be in control. Evan never touched him, not even a hand shake. He'd open the door, smile, and let him in. They didn't even sit close on the couch and over the next few weeks he noticed how much more relaxed Jonathan seemed when he came over.

Then Evan took him to the movies, just the two of them, no other friends because that would've been too much for him and Evan didn't want to ruin it. They did movies a lot after that and Evan always gave him the armrest, always making sure their knees never brushed. Until the time they did and it was because Jonathan was slouching in his seat, widening his legs. But he didn't pull away when his knee came to rest against his. Evan couldn't focus on the movie after that because that was a huge accomplishment. He was so warm.

For a while that's how they were in the theater, touching knees, until Jonathan started to tell Evan about all of his favorite movies and began bringing them over one by one to make him watch them with him. The distance between them on the couch grew less each time until they were almost shoulder to shoulder.

Evan liked it that way more than he cared to admit. He could see his features better. He could watch the lights dancing in his eyes, those eyes that were suddenly his favorite color and he thought about how nice his bedroom wall would look that shade of blue.

The next time he came over Jonathan sat beside him and halfway through Silence of the Lambs he leaned into him and it set Evan on fire.

Jonathan glance over at him and said in time with the movie, "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."

They giggled like idiots and Evan didn't dare move for fear of losing that precious fleeting contact. His skin was so hot.

Evan searched for something new for them to do and a smile spread across his face when Jonathan told him that he didn't know how to ice skate, but he wanted to learn.

He helped him lace his skates and he stepped onto the empty ice, looking back at him as he stood on the edge hesitantly. Jonathan met his eyes and Evan could see he was waging a mental war with himself, but he stood tall and held out his hand for him.

Evan's heart beat a little harder when Jonathan said, "Help me."

Evan moved to him, slowly taking his hand in his, waiting patiently for Jonathan to squeeze his fingers. He did as he moved onto the ice where he lost his balance immediately and clutched at Evan with his other hand. He ended up with his face pressed to his chest, clinging to him for dear life before he burst into a fit of laughter.

Evan stood him up and chuckled fondly at him as he practiced, holding both of his hands until he couldn't feel anything else. Just those long slim fingers that felt as smooth and soft as they looked. His eyes always drifted to his smile because he'd never seen it spread across his face so much for so long before now. It made him wonder what was changing and what was making the man so happy.

Jonathan fell asleep on him for the first time a week later and Evan didn't have the heart to move him. Because he was sleeping so deeply with his head on his shoulder, so Evan leaned into him a little. Enough so he could rest his head on his and close his eyes.

Jonathan woke in the middle of the night, heart pounding because he'd wrapped himself around Evan, but he didn't want to move away for the first time in his life.

So he didn't.

After that day he started sleeping over more, bringing over long movies for the sole purpose of putting them both to sleep beside each other.

And when they'd walk out around town together he'd keep his arm pressed firm against Evan's, trying to let him know that he was okay with him being in his personal space. He even let their fingers brush every now and then.

But he back tracked on himself when Evan caught his hand as they were skating one day and threaded their fingers together on the empty ice. Jonathan shivered, never feeling what he was feeling before. He didn't know what to do with it, so he put distance between them as quickly as possible. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

He glanced back at Evan who was standing there patiently, but his eyes were sad and he couldn't hide it. "I'm sorry."

Evan shook his head. "Don't be. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's not that. I actually wanted you to." Jonathan rubbed his face out of frustration. "This is just so overwhelming, because I like you and want to be close to you and I don't know how and I'm fucking terrified."

Evan just smiled sweetly at him. "It's okay. I've been letting you go at your pace. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to. I don't want to run you off because I really like you and just feel so good when you're around. I don't want to lose that."

"You've been doing all of this just for me?" Jonathan asked hopefully.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I?"

"No one ever has."

A few days later Jonathan was debating whether or not to stay the night again but when he got up Evan slipped his fingers around his wrist and whispered into the dark, "Stay … please."

Jonathan didn't feel threatened or scared or anxious. Those warm fingers felt calming and a lot like home as they pulled him gently down onto his lap.

And for once, Jonathan initiated the contact intentionally. He let his fingers run across Evan's face in the pale moonlight and leaned in until the tips of their noses were touching. "Touch me."

Jonathan sighed and felt the heat spread through his body when Evan's hands went up his shirt and slid across his skin, so gentle and careful. His fingers found Evan's hair and he could feel his hot breath on his lips that were just barely touching his. For a second he thought he felt them tremble and he flicked his tongue out before planting a careful kiss against his mouth.

Evan tried not to grip him too hard, tried not to kiss him too fast. He held back until Jonathan opened his eyes and said, "Touch me, please. Fucking touch me because it's so good. Your hands are so warm and you make me feel like I'm not the odd one out, scared to be near anyone, scared to leave his comfort zone. You ARE my comfort zone, Evan. Please."

Evan didn't know what to say, so he tried to say it with his hands instead. He said it with his fingers as they slipped the clothes from their bodies. He said it with his eyes as he drank in the sight of him before him, so pretty in the pale light, like a resilient piece of art that had never been touched for fear of ruining it. He said it with his lips as he pressed them against his smooth flesh, leaving goose bumps in their wake. He said it with his tongue that slid past his in a wet glide that formed words with every twist and turn it took, with every noise it coaxed out of him.

Jonathan couldn't get enough of him. But he had a lifetime to try inside the bubble of personal space that was no longer just his.

It was theirs.


	17. Let Me Say This

Pay this no mind if you don't want to. I'm just posting this here in case something happens to it on my tumblr. I'm trying to get all my stuff together.

* * *

When and if Vanoss and Delirious meet (if they haven't already) I want someone to record that shit. One of the guys, or Luke, or just ….. someone. I can see it in my head so clear. Like, one of the boys is standing with Evan, who is absorbed in his phone, texting Delirious, waiting for him. And then, let's say Marcel, he nudges Evan and says, "Look who it is."

Evan takes his eyes off his phone and glances up and just, like the biggest smile spreads across his face and Marcel just casually slides off to the side while Delirious gets closer to Evan.

And he can't stop smiling either, he's almost laughing when Evan takes the last steps and closes the distance and just hugs the fuck out of him.

Luke stands off to the side with the boys on the verge of bro tears while he records the whole thing on his phone.

Delirious tries to pull back but Evan just squeezes tighter and sighs against his shoulder. Delirious wraps his arms around him again, "You alright, man?"

"Yeah. I just….." Evan tucks his head closer, like it's normal to be that intimate with him. And it feels normal, Delirious doesn't mind.

"It's just really fucking nice to finally meet you." Delirious hears Evan's voice give slightly and the emotions hit him like a fist to the face. This was his partner in crime, his teammate, the red to his blue and the man was getting so emotional it was making a lump form in his own throat.

"Dude, you're gonna make me cry." He mutters and presses his face against Evan's hair. He's so warm and just THERE, in his fucking arms and not on a monitor and it's the best feeling in the world.

Evan finally pulls back and to Delirious' surprise he touches his face, his hair, then lets his hands run down his arms. Delirious smiles, "I'm real, Evan."

"Yeah, you are. Jonathan." Evan wipes at his eyes with his thumb and pulls him back in and they stay that way for minutes, giving each other the physical contact they'd always relayed to each other in their games, trying maybe to make up for all the time they'd known each other.

They stay glued to each other's side for the rest of the day and everyone totally cried while watching them.

Anyway, I just think we all deserve to fucking witness it, don't you think?


	18. Dance Fic

This was written a long time ago for a friend on Tumblr. I just stumbled upon it again so I figured I'd post it while I'm working on Running With Ghosts. (Btw, please do not rush me, I'm a very busy person who works five days a week and barely has time for herself and rwg has very very long chapters. It's a lot to work on when I already don't have time. That's why it's taking so long for each chapter.)

* * *

Evan was grinning like an idiot in his seat at the cafe as he watched his friend wipe off tables enthusiastically. He always swung his hips to the music and sang along to every song. Evan fought anyone who tried to kill his spirit.

Jonathan was a bright ball of energy that held such passion with everything he did. He perfected Evan's favorite cappuccino, even going so far as to learn how to make cute shapes in the foam.

He excelled at everything and he was a dedicated dancer. A flawless dancer and Evan knew his friend was getting anxious about his upcoming show by the way he was was doing everything in his power to distract himself.

Evan stilled Jonathan's hand that was drawing a doodle on a napkin and smiled when he looked up at him through thick lashes.

"What?"

"You're going to do fine." Evan reassured him.

"Are you really going to be able to make it this time?" Jonathan worried at his lip.

"Yes, I made sure of it. I even took off work."

Jonathan relaxed, "You're the best."

"I know." Evan smirked and they left together when Jonathan's shift ended.

They were joking about childhood memories when Jonathan's phone rang and he answered. "Hello?"

Evan paid it no mind until his friend stopped dead in his tracks and said, "What?! Please tell me you're joking, Bryce. I literally can't deal with this right now. We have to practice! It's in two days and I just really need this to be perfect!"

Evan watched him deflate and rub at his face in defeat. "Okay, I'm sorry. I really hope you get better. Fast. Just call me when you feel up to it."

Jonathan hung up and stopped walking. Evan waited and listened when he finally let it out. The brunette sighed so heavily it could've blown him away. "Bryce is fucking sick and can't practice with me."

Evan took his shoulders in his hands, "Jonathan. You've already perfected it. I know you have because you're amazing. You don't need to practice."

"I have to or I will go insane. You know this." Jonathan said miserably until Evan saw a lightbulb go off in his mind. "I have an idea!"

"What?" Evan questioned cautiously.

"You can help me."

"No."

Jonathan gave an exaggerated gasp and pretended to look offended. "Evan Fong said NO to ME? Are you high?"

Evan shook his head, "I've never danced a day in my life."

"You don't have to learn the entire thing or be perfect. I just need you to move with me. Please, Evan. You're my best friend in the whole fucking world."

Evan stared at him, trying to resist those big pleading eyes but he never could. Never would.

That's why he let him drag him along to the studio. That's why he was agreeing to slip into black stretchy spandex shorts and nothing else which made him feel ridiculous as he stood there shirtless looking at himself in the massive mirror before them.

Jonathan looked fine. Really fine, in his loose blue cut off shirt and tight shorts. Evan focused his eyes elsewhere other than the man's tight stomach that was exposed. But it didn't matter, because he was stuck there watching him stretch his limbs and fall into a handstand. His ass was perfect.

"Stop looking at my butt."

"It's beautiful. I'll never understand." Evan laughed. Jonathan lowered himself gracefully to his feet and stepped his way.

"Lots of dancing." Jonathan smirked. "Your butt is pretty amazing too. So don't worry."

"Thanks, bro."

Jonathan rolled his eyes.

"Okay, come on."

Evan did his best to keep up with Jonathan and his flawless, fluid movements. He was like water flowing around him and at one point he just stopped and watched him dance around him. He let him use his body as a focal point, let him steer his arms and legs where they needed to go.

They did that over and over until Evan was sure he had it memorized.

So when Jonathan started from the top again, Evan began moving with him. He saw the genuine surprise on his friend's face when he kept up with him and lifted him off his feet perfectly, holding him high in the air before he let him down, letting him slide against his chest until his feet touched the floor.

"Wow." Was all he said as he breathed warm air against him.

Evan looked proud of himself. "Good?"

(Listen to: Sofi de la Torre - Give Up At 2)

"Pretty damn good ... bro." Jonathan winked and walked over to the radio and turned the music on. The song that pounded slowly in his chest each time he heard it. It's why he made this dance for it.

Evan was the last person he wanted to be dancing with to this because Evan was his inspiration. He always was because be was the friend he could never have. The one he loved with every fiber of his being. But he could never pluck up the courage to tell his oldest friend that he was in love with him. So he danced it away, but how was he supposed to this time when his very reason for doing so was slipping his hands over his body and lifting him into the air?

Jonathan regretted asking him to do this at one point but there was no one else who could help him practice. He wanted this to be perfect because Evan had never watched him dance before. His work was always in the way. But not this time, so Jonathan was putting everything he had into it.

"Spin. In three, two, one." They spun away from each other and he went to jump into him again, but Evan wasn't ready and lost his balance. He fell to the floor but had Jonathan by the waist lying on top of him. He broke into a giggle above him but it faded when Evan gripped him a little harder for some reason.

Jonathan hovered over his face, looking down at his crush of ten plus years and he almost let his body meld against his. It would've been so nice but the music flooded through him and brought him back to reality. He pushed himself up and Evan just laid there for a moment before he got to his feet.

"Sorry."

"It's okay." Jonathan started it over and they did it all over again but this time Evan held him tighter and locked eyes with him in the mirror.

And it was like the longer they danced and the more the music soaked into them, Evan started to realize. He saw the way Jonathan kept his eyes on anything but him, kept his hands on him only as long as was necessary. He stepped away when it was over, getting abnormally quiet.

Evan caught his breath, "Jonathan."

His friend turned and stared at him with sad blue eyes and Evan finally got it then. Jonathan had feelings for him. He stepped back when Evan stepped forward.

"One more time." Evan said softly and it warmed him when Jonathan slowly smiled. He started the music over and Evan slipped his arms around him when he was in reach.

Evan was always in awe of him no matter what he did. This was no exception. He was so flexible and hot. The way he could bend his entire body around him was flipping Evan's switch and he didn't mean to let his hand run up his thigh when he lifted his leg. Nor did Evan mean to let his thumb slide beneath those shorts.

He liked to think he didn't mean it, but who was he kidding? He really did and he could feel Jonathan's heartbeat in his neck when he ran his lips over it. He was salty with sweat and he felt him let out a shaky breath when he caught his eye in the mirror.

"Evan ..."

He held Jonathan's stare as he let his hand keep going, sliding over his groin and up his slick stomach. He was trembling. He pressed a kiss into the curve of his shoulder, then he let his teeth press down.

Jonathan made a noise and Evan lost his breath. He spun him with the music and pressed him against the glass. Their lips were wet and hot against each other, their tongues joining the sudden chaos.

Jonathan pulled his legs up with ease and wrapped them around Evan's waist. He rolled his hips into him and it was hottest thing Jonathan had ever experienced.

Evan was sucking at his skin before he realized that Jonathan didn't need hickies when he would be on stage in two days.

Evan chuckled. "Sorry."

"Don't fucking stop." Jonathan said rather breathlessly as Evan pressed him into the mirror even harder. They were so absorbed in each other that neither of them heard the door to the room open. But their heads whipped around when someone cut the music off abruptly.

Bryce was standing there with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. He sounded nasally when he spoke. "If you break that glass, I'm not being held responsible since technically I'm the one that supposed to be dancing with you."

"I don't know, man. It's pretty sturdy to me." Evan said and pushed into him again, making Jonathan giggle madly and wrap around him tighter.

Bryce started backing out of the room, "I told you this dance was gonna get you laid, dude."

Evan raised a brow at him when Bryce left. "You made this for me?"

Jonathan grinned shyly, "Well ... yeah. You said you would make it to this one so I wanted it to be special."

"You've been hurting because of me and I was too stupid to see it." Evan touched his forehead to his.

"Not hurting. Just longing." Jonathan smiled. "For my best friend, who I never thought I could have."

"I've always been yours."

Needless to say, Evan sat front and center two days later at the show feeling too hot all over once that song started playing and Jonathan moved like a fucking dream across the stage.

And needless to say they spent the next week tangled up in sheets and hiding marks on their skin.

-walk


	19. The Chase

The airport was crowded. Okay not like to the point where you couldn't move or breathe, but it was thin enough where you could see through the crowd. Evan had just landed twenty minutes earlier and was enjoying a fresh cup of coffee at the cafe in the lobby while he waited for his ride to get there. Brock had insisted on picking him up and he'd just text him that he was on his way.

So there he was waiting, sitting comfortably on a bar stool, spinning left to right mindlessly while he pulled up his Twitter and sipped at his hot drink in the early hours of sunrise. There was nothing of significance on his news feed except for Delirious who seemed to be awake early as usual, probably drinking his daily morning coffee as well. Even grinned to himself and clicked on the picture the guy had uploaded and squinted at the photo. It was the back of a guy's head, sitting on a stool. In an airport. Wearing a backwards hat. It looked like himself.

It _was_ himself.

The realization hit him hard and he put his drink down loudly before he dropped it when his heartbeat shot through the roof. He looked around him at all the strangers sitting about, walking in different directions, coming up short on an answer as to where Delirious was. Because he was there in the airport with him and it had Evan nearly trembling with nerves.

His phone went off and he saw the new Tweet from him, " _He's so confused. XD_ " Accompanied by another picture of himself looking around from just moments ago. Evan chewed on his lip and couldn't stop the smile from spreading. He tweeted him back, " _You're a bitch_." Then he stuck his middle finger in the air.

A moment later, Delirious replied with a picture of him flipping the bird, grinning at no one. " _How rude. :(_ "

Evan slipped out of his seat and began walking around slowly, looking around for a guy that could be his one and only mysterious friend. He changed his direction based on the pictures Delirious continued to tweet and what angle they were taken from. Everyone on the site was having a field day. He was getting closer, but he still didn't see anyone. Until a flash went off just as he turned his head. His eyes locked with another pair that were blown wide with panic and the body they were attached to turned and bolted in the opposite direction.

Evan didn't miss a beat and was running after him, smiling from ear to ear while he pressed record on his phone. He didn't want to forget this. "DELIRIOUS! GET BACK HERE, YOU FUCK!"

Evan laughed when he heard that familiar playful, "NEVER!"

Delirious was fast on his long legs as he weaved and dodged the bodies in the crowd and he screwed himself over by breaking into a giggle. It made him weak the harder he laughed and he felt it in his legs as they began to lose their strength. It got worse when he heard Evan's heavy footsteps behind him, closing in and he almost tripped when he felt his hand slide across his shoulder.

He died a little on the inside when he slowed to a walk and turned, seeing the bright ass smile on Evan's face before the Asian lunged forward and lifted him off of his feet in a hug. He fell into another fit of giggles while Evan squeezed the life out of him. Delirious hadn't planned it this way but it was more than he could ever ask for and he'd never forget it.

Evan let him down, completely ignoring all the eyes that were looking at them like they were crazy. He put his phone up in front of him. Jonathan smiled at the camera, but Evan aimed it down so it only showed his pretty mouth. He looked at him and said, "Gotcha, bitch."

He took the picture and uploaded it with that caption after he got Jonathan's nod of approval, then slung his arm over his shoulder while they headed back to the lobby. Evan smiled over at him, "So, do you have a ride?"

"Same ride as yours." Jonathan bit at his bottom lip.

"Brock?" Evan asked and rolled his eyes when Delirious laughed. "That schemer."

"I was supposed to get in the car with you and confuse the shit out of you, but I like the way this went down so much better." Jonathan grinned and let his arm rest around Evan's waist as they walked.

Evan didn't seem to mind because he hummed contentedly, "Yeah, you know I love chasing you."

"I know." Jonathan pulled him a bit closer. "You know I love being chased."

They shared a look that meant everything and walked out into the morning air together, smiling like fools as they slid into Brock's backseat side by side.

Moo looked in his rear view mirror and grinned. Evan and Jonathan were sitting there waiting for the man to roll out a classic pun but he never did. Evan raised a brow, "What's up with you, man?"

Jonathan pursed his lips, "Yeah, Moo. It's been like, seven whole days since you've made a serious pun."

He locked eyes with them in the mirror and said, "Well, seven days without a pun makes one _weak_."

Brock drove off, pleased with himself as the two laughed themselves to tears on each others shoulder in the back of his car.


	20. One Week

Day one and David was already rolling his eyes. The first thing he noticed was the way they hugged each other. They held each other longer, squeezed a little harder. Their faces tucked against each other's neck, probably smelling each other like secret lovers. Honestly, Nogla was tired of it.

"You know you guys aren't fooling anyone." He crossed his arms and they finally broke apart looking at him like he was crazy.

"The fuck are you talking about?" Evan gave him a dirty look and walked off to the car in the airport parking lot while everyone was ending their greetings. Nogla narrowed his eyes at Delirious as he watched him get into the passenger's seat. Beside Evan, always.

They thought he was joking, but deep down he wasn't. He knew that they had a thing for each other and it was getting on his nerves that they wouldn't come out and say it.

* * *

Day two and Nogla was watching them like a hawk. He woke and heard them giggling to themselves in the kitchen before anyone else had got up. They were sipping coffee, shoulders pressed against each other, heads ducked down close. Jonathan caught Nogla's eye when he came around the corner and tried to make it not so obvious as he moved an inch away from Evan. He used the coffee pot as an excuse to move even further away, filling up his still full cup.

Nogla just smirked and shook his head as he passed by into the living room to wake everyone else up.

* * *

Day three and they were all sitting on the beach as the sun was going down, drinking a few beers, laughing at each other. All of them except the two guys that had been skirting around each other the entire time they'd known each other. Evan and Jonathan were sitting closer to the water, side by side and David could see the way Jonathan was watching Evan's face as the Asian told him a story.

He was looking at him with bright eyes, like he was mesmerized, completely taken with every word that left his mouth. When the story was finished they looked at each other and smiled. Jonathan snorted on a laugh and fell to Evan's shoulder and that's how they stayed.

Nogla wanted to slap them both.

* * *

Day four and they were going to the movies as a big group to see the new Star Trek movie and Nogla trailed behind them all, wanting to scream because Evan bought Jonathan three boxes of Bunch-a-Crunch and a large bag of popcorn because he knew he loved it.

They sat beside each other and Nogla looked over part-way through and saw Delirious slip his arm beneath Evan's and scoot closer in his seat. He could see the small grin on Evan's lips as they both got comfortable and continued to eat their popcorn and chocolate.

* * *

Day five and they were all leaving Dave Buster's and Nogla was losing his mind because for whatever fucking reason, he was the only that could see them practically holding hands as they walked through the city. Their hands kept brushing and at one point Evan caught one of Jonathan's fingers with his own and neither one of them batted an eye or pulled away.

"It's kind of cold out here." Jonathan stated and Evan didn't hesitate to shrug the jacket off his shoulders and give it to him.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me." Nogla mumbled.

"What?" Lui asked.

"Nothing. I'll deal with this myself since no one else can see how gay they are."

* * *

Day six and they were all piled up in Evan's living room having a LAN party over Call of Duty and Delirious was asking Evan if he had some pajama pants he could wear.

Nogla followed behind them and shut the bedroom door when they both weren't looking. He tied a thick string from the doorknob to the knob of the hallway bathroom so when they pulled, it wouldn't open.

"Nogla, what the fuck?" He heard Evan on the other side.

"Open the fucking door!" Delirious yelled and beat his fist against it.

"No, ye fucks. I won't open it up until you admit your feelings for each other. Because I'm sick of it." He said and without another word, turned and took his seat in the living room.

Lui giggled, "You are unbelievable."

* * *

"So, what do we do?" Jonathan asked. "He'll open it eventually, right?"

Evan shrugged and fell to his bed with a heavy sigh. "Maybe."

"Oh! We could go all Mission Impossible and scale your balcony and climb through the other one." Jonathan joked and laid down beside him.

"Definitely not." Evan rolled to his side and smiled fondly. "I don't want to die today."

Jonathan faced him. They were close when he whispered. "We could just pretend. Just to satisfy him and get him to open it."

Evan's smiled faded.

He took Jonathan's fingers and threaded them together for the first time. Even though he knew it wasn't the first time they'd wanted to. "I don't want to pretend, because this is real."

"I didn't know you wanted it to be." Jonathan squeezed his fingers. "I always thought you wanted us the way we were. So I never went any further."

"I've just always been scared to go past that point with a guy. With you." Evan admitted finally and Jonathan smiled at their stupidity.

"Well, I think we're being pushed over that line by an angry Irishman. So I'd kiss me now if you value your life." He hummed and felt his face heating up as Evan cupped his jaw and smoothly pulled him in until they were kissing like teenagers, until their hands were up each other's shirt.

They both silently were thanking David for forcing them in a room together because neither one of them knew how long they would've kept up their act of pretending they didn't want to be anything more than they were.

* * *

Day seven and Nogla was untying the string from the doorknobs as the sun was barely coming up. His heart was more than a little warm and happy when he saw them asleep under the same sheets. Jonathan was curled up against Evan's chest, wrapped up in his arms, sleeping soundly.

Together at last.

Lui nudged him and whispered. "Good job, man. I think we've all been waiting for this."

Nogla smiled and shut the door with a quiet click. "Yeah. I think they've been waiting the longest."


	21. What I Want

It was so fucking cold, but Jonathan didn't feel any of it because he was staring at his best friend as he pushed his way through the crowd towards him.

He tried to stop his feet from moving backward, further away. He tried but his mouth was dry and his throat was burning and then Evan was yelling his name.

Jonathan tore his eyes away and ran deeper into the crowd against his will. The voice inside told him to keep going so he did even though the man he wanted nothing more than to run to was so close. The one thing he wanted was right there but his legs refused to stop.

His breath formed little clouds as he ran and once he was free of the crowd and in the open he risked it and looked behind him.

He wished he hadn't.

Evan was gasping for air but he didn't stop until he had a firm grip on Jonathan's arm.

Jonathan gave in and spun around, exhausted. He couldn't even speak because there he was, two feet away and so fucking real.

"Why are you running away?" Evan said, still winded.

Jonathan wished that he didn't have a voice. "I can't do this."

"Why not? It's just me, man." Evan furrowed his brow and Jonathan shook his head because he knew this was it. He had to say it. It was the reason he ran and he couldn't lie anymore.

"You know that feeling you get when you see that one person in particular? It sets your heart racing and all of a sudden your mind is blank and you get this twisting anxiety in your gut. Almost makes you sick but then you catch their eye and you don't even realize that you're not breathing until they look away, completely oblivious to you. Do you know that feeling?"

Evan's expression faded and he opened his mouth to speak but nothing really came out properly, "I don't - I guess I do. What does this have anything to do with right now?"

Jonathan dug his nails into his palm, "Because, that's the feeling I get every time I see you. I've come to this con four years in a row and each time I see you, I can't stop myself from running. I don't know how you didn't spot me before all those times, because I was like a fucking deer in headlights."

"What are you saying?"

Jonathan grit his teeth, "You know exactly what I'm saying."

Evan shut his eyes. "Please. Don't say it then. I don't know if I can deal -"

"OH! You can't deal with it?!" Jonathan broke. "Try being me! You try being in love with your best friend because I sure as fuck don't want to be! I don't want to feel this for you, but I do! I can't make it go away but if you know how to, then please! Be my fucking guest because I sure as fuck don't want to feel like this anymore!"

"Like what?"

Jonathan deflated and felt the hot tears collecting in his eyes. "Like my heart is going to fly out of my fucking chest any second now. You reduce me to a stuttering, shaking idiot and I don't know why and I can't control it."

"THEN DON'T." Evan deadpanned.

Jonathan blinked. "What?"

"Stop trying to control it. You could've met me four years ago but you didn't because you've been holding all of this back." Evan spoke softly but for some reason it frustrated Jonathan even more.

"Okay, first you didn't want me to say it. Now you're telling me to just let all my gay feelings out. Which is it? What do you want?" Jonathan stared at him like he was stupid because he definitely was. He was beginning to question why he was so damn attracted to him at all.

"What I want, Jonathan, is to go get some coffee with you because your nose is red and I'd like to discuss the fact that you didn't notice that when I saw you, I was a deer in headlights too."


	22. Time & All That Transpired

It was muttered at the end of his laugh. "Oh man, I love you."

Jonathan felt it when Evan said it. That sudden twist of nerves in his stomach. That painful beat of his heart as it kicked into overdrive. It probably meant nothing, he probably had no idea what he'd just done. A slip of the tongue, a simple statement that was only meant to be kind and jesting. It probably wasn't serious.

Evan probably didn't really love him. More than likely just as a best friend, because guys definitely loved their friends, but they didn't fall in love with them.

Not like Jonathan had fallen in love with him and the way he changed his tone with him when it was just the two of them. He loved the way Evan looked for him no matter how many other people were playing. He loved the way he'd tease, speaking in that low tender tone of voice that he never used on anyone else. It made him feel special. At times he felt wanted and once he felt that, he was spoiled on it.

Evan never let up. He'd actually started doing it more and Jonathan didn't know what had changed or why he'd done it in the first place but he never wanted it to end. He started to want more and that was the most terrifying moment of his entire life. Knowing that he was beginning to fall for someone so far away and out of reach. It kind of hurt, but he couldn't stop. Because every time he heard Evan's voice, it made his entire world light up and he couldn't let that go.

So there he was, heart pounding as Evan kept laughing at whatever Jonathan had done in their game, he couldn't remember. He couldn't even tell you what his middle name was right then. He was frozen, hands rigid on his mouse and keyboard, eyes glued to the screen.

"Delirious?"

Jonathan didn't hear a thing until Evan opened the door to his room and flicked him upside the head with a finger. He finally snapped out of it and looked up him. He grinned and sat back.

"Sorry, I spaced out there for a second."

Evan laughed, "Yeah, I know. You good?"

"I'm good." Jonathan nodded and brushed it all off and they kept gaming until they both were too tired to play anymore.

Evan finally flew back home two days later after they had cooked each other meals and then went out to dinner and the arcade downtown. Every time Evan was there he treated him like he was his date, buying him ice cream, driving him up to his favorite hilltop to watch the meteor shower. The first few times he'd visited they weren't like that. They had ordered pizza and watched comedies, played games like normal guys. But the past two times, Evan was different. He was so sweet and laughed so fucking cute at all of his stories and he'd watch him in a way that had Jonathan's face feeling warm.

He didn't understand why he treated him differently because Evan wasn't the kind of guy that was into other guys. It was confusing.

Jonathan pried a few weeks later while they played online. "Do you have a best friend?"

It was an out of the blue question, he knew that and he also knew that Evan wasn't expecting it by the silence he gave him before he finally responded. "I used to call a lot of people my best friend. Like the guys I grew up with who are big and successful now, too. I still hang out with them, but deep down they're just friends. Good friends, but not bests. But then this one guy came along, just planted himself in my life and I couldn't get rid of him if I tried because I care about him a lot and he's the funniest person I know, an idiot, and someone that gets me."

Jonathan was messing with the edge of his shirt anxiously. "Yeah? Who?"

"It's you, dumbass."

Jonathan broke into a smile, giggling. "I was going to be so sad and disappointed if you didn't say it was me."

"I know." Evan said with that goddamn tone that was so gentle. Jonathan could hear the smile in his voice when he added, "I would never do that to you."

"I know."

It confirmed a few things for Jonathan, but it didn't settle the want he still felt or the pure rage and jealousy that consumed him the moment a picture of Evan was posted of him at a party, surrounded by beautiful women. Women that didn't know him like Jonathan did.

He swallowed down the hopeless feeling he had grown used to when he thought of Evan or being with Evan or Evan possibly wanting to be with him too. It was an empty dream and he had accepted the fact that his life was going to be filled with pining and just barely holding onto what ever Evan would give him. It made his chest hurt and sometimes he wanted to lock himself in the bathroom and never come out.

But he didn't.

They took turns visiting each other once a month as they had been for the past year. It was Jonathan's turn to fly to California and he hated it so much. He hated planes but Evan was the only motivation he needed to get on the death bus with wings.

Once he was there and falling on his couch exhausted, Evan was leaning over him holding something behind his back.

"I made you something." He grinned sweetly when Jonathan cracked his tired eyes open.

"What?"

Evan pulled a teddy bear from behind him. He had him made to look like Jason Voorhees, tiny mask and all. Jonathan felt his heart swelling in his chest and refused to let the tears collect in his eyes. He wanted to cry but he also wanted to bust out laughing at the thought of Evan in a Build-a-Bear workshop surrounded by kids as he made his own bear. It was adorable.

"Are you serious?" He said and the smile stretched across his face. Evan nodded and started to laugh but it was cut short when Jonathan pushed himself up and hugged him tighter than anyone ever had and Evan knew.

He knew that everything after that moment was going to hurt.

And it did. It hurt to hear him laugh, to see him smile. It hurt to catch him drifting off in thought while he stared at him.

It hurt and there was something about it that was so addicting. Therefore he couldn't let it go. He wouldn't and it was so selfish of him but Jonathan was a flame and Evan was burning. Evan knew it was wrong to let him get so close, so he kept him at arms length. He never let it slip that he wanted to be even closer.

He never let it slip, until the day he invited Jonathan up to Canada to see the Northern lights. In the night as they walked out onto a frozen white plain, Evan saw what they could be, what he wanted them to be. The green and turquoise ambient light of the Aurora Borealis was shining down on Jonathan as he looked up in wonder. He was so pure and full of possibilities and Evan wanted to see how far they could go, but he knew he would never let it get past this point. He tried to convince himself.

Evan stood by his side and caught his cold fingers as he watched him smile at the universe. Jonathan looked over at him, smile gone, a question poised on his tongue as his hand twitched in his.

Evan knew he shouldn't have but he knew he was going to break his heart no matter what he did. He almost leaned in but he let his hand go instead and moved away. He could see the hope fade from Jonathan's eyes.

"You're scared."

Evan's breath faded into the air. "Of what?"

"To be with me."

"I am."

"Why?"

Evan shook his head and looked up at the lights. "All I'm going to do is hurt you. Just like I've hurt everyone I've ever been close to."

"You hurt me every day." Jonathan said softly and he grinned sadly before he walked past him. "But I guess you know that, if I'm like everyone else."

Evan caught his arm, "You're not."

Jonathan shook him off, "Then stop pretending I am. Or is this what you wanted? To get as close to me as possible, make me want you? Because, mission accomplished, Evan. Like, a long fucking time ago. But if that's just what you do, push people away that have any sort of feelings for you instead of taking a chance because you're scared it's all the same, then I'm gone."

Evan wanted to stop him because Jonathan was different, but that scared him even more. Because he knew that it would be the best thing he'd ever had or experienced, but he'd never had something that lasted. With Jonathan, he didn't want to mess that up, he didn't want to be happy for once just to have it all torn away from him like it always was. He always let people slip away before they had a chance to make themselves permanent.

Jonathan was the first person he wanted to be permanent. But he let him walk away under the lights that were almost as beautiful as he was. Nothing could compare to that smile, those eyes, or his laugh. Nothing or no one ever would.

Jonathan stopped visiting and Evan stopped watching his phone for his texts. They drifted, not too far but he felt it deep down. The guilt multiplied tenfold and he'd never hurt as bad as he did when Jonathan posted a video with old footage from months ago when Evan was at his house. He was confused at first and then he almost panicked when he heard himself laugh and it trailed off before he said nonchalantly, "Oh man, I love you."

He paused the video and put his head in his hands and he didn't know what to do from there. Evan couldn't think about anything else after that. Nor could he sleep properly. He tossed for two weeks until a con came up and he was sitting at the panel with some guys he barely knew and they were answering fan questions that were coming through on Twitter.

It was repetitive and he wanted to leave until the guy at the podium said, "This one just in, it's for Vanoss. This is, well I'm not quite sure what this means but maybe you do, Vanoss. This is from user 'NnorthernLightss' and their question is, 'Did you mean it?'"

Evan felt his fingers wanting to tremble with the uncertainty that had put itself upon him in the crowded room and the heat flooded his face. But he let the truth roll off his tongue and he took a chance for the first time in his life.

Evan looked straight ahead at a camera and said with finality, "I meant it."

"Do you wanna elaborate on that one?" The guy asked but Evan just shook his head and faked a laugh.

"It's an inside joke kinda thing." He lied and left as soon as it was over. There was no one in the crowds that he was looking for, no one prettier than the Northern lights. So he went home and tried to call Jonathan but he wouldn't answer. Was it even him that sent that question?

Evan fell to his bed and he hated himself more than normal. A voice interrupted his brooding and he sat straight up looking up at Jonathan in front of him.

"Do you still want to hurt me?"

Evan slid to the edge of the bed and pulled him closer until his face was buried in his shirt. He shook his head and pulled back, "I never wanted to. Let me make it up to you."

"How?"

"I love you and I'm going to love you for as long as you let me. I'm going to give you everything I have to offer and I'll try to make you the happiest person in the world." Evan looked up at him and sighed. It felt so good to finally let him in. He knew it would.

Jonathan grabbed his face and grinned down at him crookedly. Before he leaned closer and pressed their lips together he said, "I'm already halfway there."


End file.
